PEOPLE CHANGE PEOPLE. These three words have been swirling in my
head for weeks. Each day I have had a
new thought to add to this belief. They
were BIG thoughts, BIG examples with BIG tangible outcomes. I was looking forward to formulating my
thoughts for my next post. Then, just an
hour ago, I had a very minor incident
happen that left me reflecting on how small human exchanges can have small, but
no less meaningful impact.
Five minutes before walking out the door for school this
morning, my youngest son (9 yr. old) shared his stomach did not feel well. WHAT????!!!!...totally out of the blue, no
fever, no sign of illness until the 11th hour before school. I decide to have him stay at home and
re-assess in an hour. My full plate of
work and to-do list would have to wait too.
Two hours later felt well enough to go.
We headed out the door with lightning quickness before he changed his
mind. Off to school we raced. I am filled with relief that I would still be
able to tackle a few of my tasks.
As I drove onto the school grounds, about to turn left into
the parking lot, a SUV surprises me coming out of the parking lot. We both stopped suddenly. I felt I had the right-of-way and slowly
moved forward. She must have had similar
feelings in regards to her positioning and moved forward too, leaving a very
narrow space between her car and the curb.
I decided I was going to put my head down and keep going, narrow or not,
I was in the right. She honked. I kept driving without lifting my head. Even though I thought I was in the right, I
was not 100% sure, keeping my head down, avoiding eye contact allowed me to
avoid seeing what she thought of my perspective.
I drove past her and she drove out of the lot. That was that.
I did not feel good about the exchange, who was she to honk?? Maybe I was not right to pass by without
letting her pull out, but I still felt I was right and I let me feelings
towards the random driver stay in a negative space. Time to move on with the morning…I had things
to do. I walked my son into the school
and the incident was moving into my rearview mirror of my day. Most likely I wouldn’t give it another
thought.
That is what normally happens with frustrating stranger
encounters. We never see the person
again. We get to hold onto our
self-justified perspective of an incident and hold onto the feelings of the
person who wronged us. The one I was
holding onto was an image of an uptight, slightly older, dark haired woman who
could not have been very nice…totally uptight.
Exiting the building, I was about to descend the stairs,
thinking about the few productive hours ahead of me. Then, I see a dark haired woman walking
briskly towards the stairs with a business brief case roller bag. My mental dialogue was yanked from my to-do
list to facing my immediate future and rapid fire thoughts race through my
mind. “Is that the same woman who was
leaving the lot? Couldn’t be; she was leaving when I was coming. What if it is?? Should I just put my head down and walk past
her? I had the right of way, why would I
want to revisit the frustrating incident?!
Why do I have to see her NOW??
Maybe it isn’t her, I didn't really get a good look because my head was cowardly down when I past. You have to look at her. You have to stop and acknowledge her. What if it isn’t her? Don’t stop.
Walk faster!! Her head is down
too, maybe she won’t see you. Act like
it never happened.”
Five seconds later, I am at the bottom of the stairs and she
is five feet in front of me. I look at
her. She sees me but I do not see any
sense of recognition cross her face. “Maybe
it isn’t her,” I think. I don’t
know. I decide to look grab my courage
and ask her if she is the woman from the SUV.
She looks at me quizzically. “It
isn’t her! Whew!” I think. This woman has no idea what I am talking
about. Now I feel silly for even
stopping her to ask, but I ask one more time, “Did you and I just have a car
meet up by the parking lot?” I see the
light bulb go off. “Oh, yes that was me,”
she rigidly said, frustration washing over her face as she now recognizes me. She is not happy. I explain I had felt like I had the right of
way, but since my reaction was to avoid eye contact when she honked at me, I
had thought maybe I was in the wrong and did not want to face her. I apologized
for my part in the incident. Instantaneously,
the rigidity visibly dissipated from her being.
A smile of amazement crossed her face as she gratefully accepted my
apology and offered one of her own. “I
should not have moved to narrow your pathway or honked at you. I am sorry.
I did feel badly for that.” We
continued our mutual apologies and forgiveness as if a flood gate had been
opened. As we were parting ways, she stopped
me and said “Thank you so much for this.
I must tell you how much it means to me that you stopped me to
apologize. I really appreciate it. Really, I cannot tell you how much it means…” She leaned in to give me a hug. I wished her a great rest of the day and she
did the same. Back to our busy, crazy
lives we went.
What I learned was my actions, regardless of if I believed
they were justified, impacted another person and hers’ mine. It was easy to brush aside because she was a
complete stranger.
Every person, regardless of age, walking on this planet has
a busy, complex, crazy life. It is easy
to forget to think about others when you are trying to get through your day. I will use today to remind myself always, ALWAYS
lead with kindness because in big and small ways people change people!
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