Starting With This Moment

I really wanted to post a follow on to my time with Robert.  It will come.  But today, I am moved to share the following.  The last week has been filled with great connections and imagery creation that I will start sharing later today but I must lead with this and I am hoping it will be the last time I write about self-doubt and motivation...it is time to get a move on!!

I have spent an enormous amount of time thinking over the past year while I tenuously try to maneuver through the weeks as a mom, wife and photographer.  I feel like there has been lots of thinking, lots of stress with minimal output.  Ironically, for the very first time in my life, I have discovered my life passion.  Since the lightbulb finally went off on what I want to do in life, I have struggled to understand why things just are not falling into place.  I've heard for over two decades now, "Figure out what you are passionate about and then follow it.  That is the key to happiness and "success" in life."  

I feel so lucky to finally be able to put a finger on what drives me but instead now feeling like I have a direction to go in I have felt paralyzed.  I have gone from a person of action, living in the moment and not worrying (too much) about how the future will unfold to someone that wants to know that I am taking the right steps to achieve the visions I have dancing in my head.  It has been a frustratingly scary place to be.  Especially given my place in life...middle-age (that sounds horrible when you still feel like you are 25 most of the time), mother of two healthy boys, house in a great neighborhood, husband with a great job, healthy family (immediate AND extended), great friends...what do I have to be unsettled about??!!  I have the life I had envisioned in my head over the past 20 years of hard work.  Why can't I just sit back, relax and settle into the life we have created.  Why can't I find contentment in the photography career I worked my tail off to create?  The self-doubt, the questioning, the future and what I am doing every day to move towards it has been ridiculously exhausting.  I want to rewind the clock a few years, before I began unearthing my true passion.  Why can't I just thankful for all the great photography clients, family and friends I have.  But that is not life.  It truly is a roller coaster filled with highs, lows and infinite unknowns that are out of our control.  

So today, the first week of Q2 2015, I am going to release the seatbelt that I have strapped myself in with this past year.  And get back to living life and leading my life without worrying about how it will go, what people will think, if I make sense, if I will be misunderstood or if I will fail in reaching my "undefined" goal.  I am actually right on track with the rough plan I gave myself for this new "job".  Q1 would be planning, Q2-4 was for executing the plan.  I'm going to ignore that my "plan" is not clearly defined and celebrate that I am in action on day three of Q2.

Here is what I know:

--I believe in humanity and we can learn from and be inspired by the people around us regardless of where you are on this planet.

1995 Ha Rankakala, Qacha's Nek, Lesotho

--I have had a life-long wanderlust that on the surface appeared a lust to travel the world.  I have come to realize it is not travel to see the sights of the world that fuels my wanderlust, but the doors traveling opens to connect with people from all walks of life.  I have never traveled the world to tick off the countries, I just wanted to be in places where I was a complete fish out of water.  My desire to be immersed in the unknown (travel w/o an itinerary, w/o a fluency of the local language, w/o knowing anyone in the region) always forced me to trust strangers and people who were vastly different than myself.  For 20+ years, the living and traveling in different parts of the world fueled my passion...human connectivity.  Having new, unforgettable adventures & experiences with and because of strangers, this was the driving force behind my sense of wanderlust.  

--Since the idea for The World in My Backyard came to me in 2012, I have realized I could have similar experiences and powerful connections with strangers without leaving the city I live in.

--People all over this world are more the same than they are different, but in our society, we tend to see each others differences and stay separated because we don't know how to bridge the gap or we make assumptions about an individual based on the difference.  Creating our own perceptions of who we think people are, even though we know perception is always different than the reality.  If we can be open to new connections the gaps will get smaller.

--I got stuck in my first year of the project because I wanted everyone to get to have the unbelievable experiences I and my family were having just because we were meeting strangers in this city.  The stories I have managed to share have resonated with a few people.  When I started w/ this idea, that was enough.  Somewhere along the line I got worried about how I was sharing or should share.  What the end result for my project or best vehicle for sharing should be so I stopped interviewing and sharing.  But people still tell me something I shared with them resonated and impacted them.  So I just need to get back to doing.

--I have never had a clear road map for any of my "achievements" or jobs...so why do I think this experience should be different.  I need to return to my 20 year old self and jump in with both feet trusting that I will find my way and that I am able to do good things.

--Being self-employed can be tough because it takes 100% self-motivation.  I need to hear feedback to know if I am hitting the mark or way off...and unfortunately, my office walls don't talk back!  Reflecting on my 17 yr. photography career makes me realize that I had quite a bit of self-doubt that I was forced to overcome because I had clients who had no idea I was questioning myself.  Each time I delivered my work to them, they reminded me that I was on the right track.  My work was good enough.  I continued to grow and improve.  That is what I have to believe will happen with this process.  So if you are reading this and you stick with me in the weeks and months to come, I would ask that once or twice this year send me a thought you may have, good or bad about the content I am sharing or how it resonated (or didn't) with you.  

--The content I will be sharing will not be succinct or uniform for each.  I am going to let myself off the hook from having a standardized form in which I share the individual stories because that is not how I think or function.  If I give myself that constraint, I will continue to stay paralyzed.  Feedback on what works or how it can be improved will help shape the process and ultimately, I will find what works best.

--If my work does not go beyond this year, whether I run out of emotional/mental steam trying to produce this on my own or I need to return to my photography business I will try my best to remind myself that it will not be a failed venture.  My biggest worry right now is having my kids see me give up on my dreams and discovered passion.  If I do not try, I am not living the words I preach to them.  If it does not pan, at least I stood by my mantra that nothing can change if you do not try.

Today, I will get back to sharing stories of people in The World in My Backyard (WIMBY).  Adding one new facet...there will be stories "By Country" (continuing to follow the original goal of meeting one person from every country in the world living in Seattle) AND "By Day".  

In the middle of writing this post, I had to step away to attend a school event for my 3rd grader.  This song was sung by the 4th grade class and the timing could not have been more perfect for me.  I often feel like I have a tiny little voice and what is the point of sharing...this song provides a reason...

"Starting with this moment, we can make a change.

If we love those around us, maybe they will do the same.

Though we have a small voice, and just a simple song.

Let's place it in the heart of another, so they can pass it on.

It starts with; one hear loving another, two hands reaching out,

We can cover the world with love.

Two voices singing together, one song ringing out,

we can cover the world with love....cover the world with love.  Cover the world with love."

--Cover the World with Love by Jerry Estes

I am going to print these lyrics and put them by my computer to remind myself that although my voice is small and the experiences I am sharing seem so simple, I am going to pass them on.  The ripple effect can happen if we all chip away at our fears and start opening up to the people around us.

If you reached the end of this, THANK YOU!  If you follow the stories to come and feel moved by them (whether positively or negatively), please let me know and I ask that you share with others.  I am not sure how to amplify my "small voice" work, I am going to rely on you to help me spread the stories and images.  "Like" The World in My Backyard  & Human Connectivity Conservationist on Facebook, send me ideas, offer your technology or editing prowess to my efforts.  Any support you can provide, I will be so grateful!!

A WIMBY By Day story will follow very soon.

Thank you.

Empathy & Connectivity—A Lesson Learned from the Seahawks

Sunday was a blip on the map for most people in the world, but here in Seattle, it was a day filled with abounding excitement, with hope and with community.  Hundreds of thousands of people in Seattle and around the globe were fortunate to be drawn together around a common cause…NFL football.  NFL FOOTBALL!!  It seems crazy that sports can bring people together hoping to further their happiness with another win.  We were all proud to be 12's in our city.  Young, old, rich, poor, black, white, Asian, straight, gay….everyone was part of one great community galvanized by a common goal…another Seahawk win.  The connected vibe in Seattle was palpable and intoxicating.   The energy had been building for months, reaching its peak at 3:30pm Pacific Time.  But, a mere four hours later, Seattleites were filled with question, frustration, sadness and even anger because of one play.  How quickly emotions shifted and the electrified air was sucked out of our sails.  After a few days of reflecting on the emotions surrounding the Seattle Seahawks, their accomplishments and their defeat, I realized it is a perfect analogy for why we, as a society, get in the way of real human connectedness.

Sunday left me wondering if the ingrained societal “default” behavior is judgment and criticism, instead of empathy and understanding.  When life is good, it is not as apparent and has less impact because we are enjoying ourselves.  But when something goes wrong, we instinctually turn to questioning, blame and criticism.  Those three actions undoubtedly create negative reactions. 

If this is the societal “norm”, why would any individual ever venture outside of their comfort zone, knowing they will most likely be met with questioning and criticism?  It is much “safer” to stay in the comfort zone and join in the judgment, blame and criticism of what we don’t understand, resulting in stagnancy and disconnectedness. 

What is crazy to me is, I think most people crave community, acceptance, happiness, and understanding but clearly it can be fleeting based on perception and judgment.  Nothing changed for 99.5% of the proud, enthusiastic community that existed on Sunday, except their team lost…our lives did not change, but our happiness was erased.  To take it even further, maybe .5% of people who were truly impacted by the loss have to stand tall and answer countless, incessant questions about ONE play.  ONE PLAY!!  Their lives this week truly have been impacted and I cannot fathom the weight they are shouldering individually and collectively.  It must be mentally crushing.  As a layman, I cannot imagine the mental and emotional strength it must take for Pete Carroll to open his bedroom door in the morning and be met with such question.  The individuals that truly gave their heart, soul, body and spirit to bring home a win to Seattle are the ones who deserve our understanding and support most…but instead they are met w/ judgment.  How isolating that must feel!  Do people forget that they are just like you and me...human...not super human.  Imagine trying to deal with the devastation while under the microscope the media creates.  I would want to crawl down a rabbit hole and not emerge until 2020!!  Not an option for these guys.  

Ironically, Seahawk fans and the sporting world at-large spent a season filled with pride and adoration for what Pete Carroll and his football team represented—making choices most would not, playing a game uniquely different than any other NFL team has ever played.  We were in awe of decisions Carroll and the head office made to bring a together individuals that most NFL execs overlooked.  We were proud of the fact that the Seahawk team and their victories represented “team” not “I” or a few superstar individuals.  The shift that occurred in one goal line play is sadly mindboggling for me.  The sporting world and the Seattle 12's moved from celebrating Pete Carroll’s unconventional choices and decisions to vilifying him for ONE play call.  One call that could have easily had a different result—a reception, touchdown and a Seattle repeat as the Super Bowl Champions.  The city would have gone berserk.  Celebrations and connectedness would have lasted for weeks.  Pete Carroll would be held up as one of the best coaches in NFL history.  We know life does not always work out they way that we want.  But instead of having empathy for the outcome, most have chosen to question and blame.

I wish we could put a magnifying glass on this immediate shift in our local societal behavior and had it play out in an alternative universe where we led with empathy and understanding instead of judgment and questioning.  There is so much to be gained by shifting the perspective because, just as the Seahawks have been providing us with incredible life lessons throughout their season, they are continuing to provide us with more in the face of defeat.  What if, instead of leading with frustration and anger, causing a shutdown to understanding, our community paused and thought about the gravity and impact that one play had on the people who were on the field.  This would lead to empathy and leave us open to learning from their real experience, creating more understanding, resulting in stronger connections as a community instead of separation.

After experiencing a few hours of disappointment myself, I realized I needed to continue celebrating this amazing football team.  As a former athlete and mother of two young boys, I am grateful for the messages Pete Carroll and the Seahawks continue to provide.  The path less traveled is never easy, it takes infinite courage and in the end, our world is a better place because of the courage of the individual!

The words and wisdom courageous individuals share from their real experiences can translate to every human being.  I hope for the day that our societal default will be empathy, support and understanding, so we always learn from each other and become more connected in this fast pace, crazy world.

I close with one of the many messages that has inspired me as a result of the Seahawks Super Bowl loss.  On Tuesday, Russell Willson share this on his Facebook page:

"Thank you to a good friend for passing this inspirational message along.  12's, share this with your friends and loved ones if you are already focusing on next season.  #DontQuit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit -

Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a fellow turns about

When he might have won had he stuck it out.

Don't give up though the pace seems slow -

You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than

It seems to a faint and faltering man;

Often the struggler has given up

When he might have captured the victor's cup;

And he learned to late when the night came down,

How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out -

And you never can tell how close you are,

It might be near when it seems afar;

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -

It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

Thank you Coach Carroll, Russell Wilson and all the Seattle Super Seahawks!!  We are incredibly lucky to have you in Seattle!

Why care?

I am constantly asking myself, “Why am I so motivated to promote human connectivity?  Why can’t I just let it rest and be at peace with what I know I can do well and can earn a living from (photography)?  Why is it so important?  And who cares, anyway?”  And the truth is I feel like my life would be easier just letting it go and settling in with the known.  I know my husband would be grateful for the calmness of the known.  My heart and mind could rest instead of constantly churning thinking about avenues to pursue, words to convey, people I wish I could work with to further my vision.  But settling is not in my DNA.  Reaching for my dreams is (thank you mom and Dad!) and these are the thoughts that come to mind in this moment when I try to answer the first question (every hour I could give a different answer).

Three years ago, The World in My Backyard idea came to me.  I would share with people, via a coffee table album, the incredible diversity and fabric of the Greater Seattle community.  It was simplistic in concept and seemingly very doable.  With each new person I met and interviewed my excitement grew.  I could not wait to share the faces and life stories of the individuals.  With time, I realized my simplistic idea was already changing my own life and just a book about 193 individual pictures and stories would not suffice.

I am fortunate to have life experiences traveling the world and living in different states in our country providing me with opportunities to meet and learn from people completely different than myself.  

But none could hold a candle to the year I spent working on the project.  Truly, this is not an exaggeration.  It was the best year of my life and I did not have to leave my home.  As the year progressed, I was overwhelmed with the individual stories, but even more so, I fiercely wished other people could have similar experiences as I was having by simply making new connections.  My life was impacted in little ways by some and LIFE CHANGING ways in others.  Regardless of the depth of each new connection, with each person I was inspired.  I learned something new (about them, the world I live in, another culture, another religion, an occupation, a great restaurant, a play…about myself) and these became a part of my life and my family’s life. 

Many times people have said to me, “Tara, you are so lucky because you have traveled the world.  Your boys are so lucky because you are taking them to see the world.  They will learn so because of the experiences you are giving them.”  This may be true, but I KNOW they are learning and can learn so much more about the world and citizens of the world just by connecting with the people in their world.  Isn’t the United States the melting pot of the world?  It does not take adventurous parents or money to travel to learn about other cultures around the world.  It takes being open to saying hello to the person standing next to you.  They may be a foreigner or a fifth generation American but their family, traditions, beliefs, upbringing and experiences will always be different than yours…there is always something to learn from people in the world…those standing next to you or those 10,000 miles away.  It just takes a moment to lift your head from your device, smile at someone, say hello, ask a different question, listen AND share a little about yourself. 

I know many will say, “That is all fine and good for you, Tara, but I don’t want more friends.  I don’t even have time to see the ones I have.  I am happy with my life and the family and friends in my life PERIOD.”  If we all choose to be complacent, generally communing with like-minded people and letting mass media and fear form our beliefs and assumptions about who people are and how they behave, we will continue to live in a country that is deeply divided by race, religion, politics, economics, on and on and on.  This is why I am so passionate.  

of who someone is based on what our own background and media has painted them

My time is running short today, so I will close for now which is making me very uncomfortable because I am not sure I have clearly conveyed my thoughts or provided a solid close, but time & amateur writing ability could force me to keep my thoughts spinning in my head forever or just put it out there, cross my fingers that it will resonate with a few people and move on.  2015 has me choosing the later. 

Let me know what you think!!