The idea that modern culture is more connected through social media than ever, but as individuals, we are more lonely seems to becoming more and more apparent every day. Popular consensus is to blame the internet, mobile phones filled with social apps, streaming media, etc. I do not think human connectivity is being undermined by devices and technology at all. I think devices are being used as a scapegoat or an easy target for something much deeper in human behavior. The act of human connection will not improve by turning off or putting down your personal technology. The understanding of human tendencies and an individual's fears will help begin moving from blame to interacting with the world around you.
Forming new, honest connections is not easy. It takes energy, time, courage (to lean in, instead of opt out) and vulnerability. My belief is, as we age, these attributes grow inversely (not sure if that is the right term...we have less of all of them). Because we have less, it is easier to let our heads go down and blame it on a device. Let me see if I can paint a picture of what I am thinking...
Forming new connections happens spontaneously and frequently with youth. Rarely, can a child avoid it. From toddler groups to swimming lessons, new schools, new classes, new teams, new bands, etc...parents are always encouraging their children to play meet new kids and challenge their own abilities to learn something new. Through shared and challenging experiences, relationships form and strengthen. Why do so many people have best friends they met in college? It is a time in life where we are thrust into countless challenges in "foreign" environments with people from a wide ranging backgrounds. Lifelong friendships may happen post-college because individuals enter into another foreign world together, the "1st real job experience". I am not a psychologist or a sociologist who has run studies or surveys, this is just my instinctual theory. I think for the majority of our society new and meaningful individual relations become more difficult to form until there is a life changing event. Giving birth--women bond with other pregnant and new moms going through the same thing; medical diagnosis open doors to strong bonds with people who are going through or have been through a similar diagnosis/treatment; loss of life--you bond with people who have had a similar experience. Meaningful and unexpected connections often result. The new bonds provide a shared understanding, strength and solace to move through unimaginable challenges. But it is not surprising. We are almost forced to spend time being with strangers, we do not have the energy to cover our vulnerabilities and insecurities. Courage to face the next day, challenge or unknown comes forward. We don't have a choice to turn away. We share parts of our life story that we often keep hidden. There is not enough time to think, not enough energy to filter and surprising, unanticipated discoveries are made...you have more in common with someone from a completely different background. Differences fall away and similarities rise and bond.
Then we fall back into the mundane, "normal", difficult life and our heads drop. And when we get down (which is completely impossible to avoid because, no matter who you are or how abundant you life is, life can seem impossible), it is so difficult to pick your head back up. It is much easier to open an app, stream a show, check the web...check out, than to look up. But it is possible to create incredible, life changing bonds all the time if we start letting go and lifting our heads. As I go forward, I will share why I think it is the easiest and most exciting thing we can do in life. We must start modeling new behavior for the digital native generations! They do what they see being done. We can live meaningful, connected lives with technology, not in spite of technology.
Food for thought...just my little theory...I would love to hear yours or your thoughts on mine.
Forming new, honest connections is not easy. It takes energy, time, courage (to lean in, instead of opt out) and vulnerability. My belief is, as we age, these attributes grow inversely (not sure if that is the right term...we have less of all of them). Because we have less, it is easier to let our heads go down and blame it on a device. Let me see if I can paint a picture of what I am thinking...
Forming new connections happens spontaneously and frequently with youth. Rarely, can a child avoid it. From toddler groups to swimming lessons, new schools, new classes, new teams, new bands, etc...parents are always encouraging their children to play meet new kids and challenge their own abilities to learn something new. Through shared and challenging experiences, relationships form and strengthen. Why do so many people have best friends they met in college? It is a time in life where we are thrust into countless challenges in "foreign" environments with people from a wide ranging backgrounds. Lifelong friendships may happen post-college because individuals enter into another foreign world together, the "1st real job experience". I am not a psychologist or a sociologist who has run studies or surveys, this is just my instinctual theory. I think for the majority of our society new and meaningful individual relations become more difficult to form until there is a life changing event. Giving birth--women bond with other pregnant and new moms going through the same thing; medical diagnosis open doors to strong bonds with people who are going through or have been through a similar diagnosis/treatment; loss of life--you bond with people who have had a similar experience. Meaningful and unexpected connections often result. The new bonds provide a shared understanding, strength and solace to move through unimaginable challenges. But it is not surprising. We are almost forced to spend time being with strangers, we do not have the energy to cover our vulnerabilities and insecurities. Courage to face the next day, challenge or unknown comes forward. We don't have a choice to turn away. We share parts of our life story that we often keep hidden. There is not enough time to think, not enough energy to filter and surprising, unanticipated discoveries are made...you have more in common with someone from a completely different background. Differences fall away and similarities rise and bond.
Then we fall back into the mundane, "normal", difficult life and our heads drop. And when we get down (which is completely impossible to avoid because, no matter who you are or how abundant you life is, life can seem impossible), it is so difficult to pick your head back up. It is much easier to open an app, stream a show, check the web...check out, than to look up. But it is possible to create incredible, life changing bonds all the time if we start letting go and lifting our heads. As I go forward, I will share why I think it is the easiest and most exciting thing we can do in life. We must start modeling new behavior for the digital native generations! They do what they see being done. We can live meaningful, connected lives with technology, not in spite of technology.
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| "Digital Native" imitating what he sees 2008 |
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| Digital Native and brother 2012 |
Food for thought...just my little theory...I would love to hear yours or your thoughts on mine.
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