Seattle-Laotian WIMBY Connection

1.5.20 4:47am in Chiang Mai, Thailand...

Just hours before catching my Seattle flight on the I discovered my old, but very loved website, The World in My Backyard, was lost forever.  I was crushed because, although I had not updated it in many years, it held stories/work that I was looking forward to reigniting with the new year.  My goal with WIMBY was to meet, interview and photograph Seattle residence born in every country in our world.  It was a project that I worked on for a year and then had to back-burner due to work and family life.  That year was, hands down, the best year of my life as I met, learned from and was inspired by countless humans without having to venture far a foot or watch a screen to see the beauty of the human spirit.

I was momentarily devastated because I was about to board a plane to meet Xee Yang-Schell and her parents in Chiang Mai, Thailand a day before they would cross the Thai/Laos boarder to travel to the place of her birth.  I met Xee and her daughters seven or eight years ago while sharing a large, lazy Susan table enjoying dim sum in Seattle's International District.  Being the only adults at the table, with children of similar ages, we struck up a very enjoyable conversation.  As we were about to leave, and after learning Xee was raised in Seattle but born in Laos, I asked her if she would be open to meeting again and be my Laotian World In My Backyard subject.  A bright smile washed over her face and she agreed.  Below is a recap of what Xee shared with me during my "interview" with her.  

Today, I am trying to let go of the fact that technology is letting me down and hope that a blog post will suffice and I can find time to build a new website when I return and just be in the moment.  I am deeply passionate about the World in My Backyard.  I am saddened you cannot link to other stories today.  But today, I am living an experience that I could have never imagined and I hope my stories going forward will inspire people to connect with the world around them, as every person has a unique stories and perspectives that can teach us if we are open and slow down to take the time to connect with the world in different ways.

For the next 6 days, I will be with Xee and her parents as she returns for the first time to the hill tribe village in northern Laos where she was born.  I will be off the grid and immersed in a life and culture very different than the one I live in my daily life.  It will not be easy or comfortable but I know if will impact my life, challenge me and hopefully have me grow in ways that I cannot even begin to imagine, just like when I first met Xee so many years ago.  I am grateful for her letting a stranger in and sharing herself openly with me.  What she shared with me so many years ago inspired me and made me think a little differently and she continues to do that for me today making me more passionate to promote the importance to human connectivity...here is a little of her story.  I will have more to share very soon.  

My one ask today is if this moves you in any way, share it with a friend, send me a message, connect with a stranger...please do not stay silent...

Xee (prounounced "Sea") was born in 1972, along the Laos/Thailand border in Nam Yiew, Laos.  Her parents are from a more northern region, Luang Namtha, but were driven further and further south towards Thailand during the Vietnam War.

Memories before arriving in the U.S.:  “When I was two, my family had to flee Laos.  I have vague memories of being on the bottom of a boat [crossing the Mekong] and my mother covering us with a blanket to hide.”

“We stayed in Thai refugee camp for five years.  I remember very traumatic events like getting beaten up by other girls, being bullied.  During the first three years at the camp, we had an easier time because we were the first wave a refugees.  The Thai government and local people were tolerant of the refugees. As more and more refugees arrived, it became more crowded and the surrounding forests were over hunted and foraged.  The influx of refugees was too much strain for the local people, so a barbed wire fence was erected around the entire camp. We could not leave without permission. It felt like we were in prison and could not get out.”

Age when immigrated to U.S.: 1980 “I remember being at the airport, our fascination with the elevators.  We went up and down and up and down, over and over again. We flew via Tokyo and had to spend the night in a hotel.  We went up to our room and I remember they put us up really, REALLY high. We are people who had NEVER been off the ground.  We were all so scared to look out the window and look down. I remember peeking down and being fascinated with how high up we were.  I remember taking a bath in a bath tub. I Laos and at the refugee camp, we bathed in a tiny tub that you did not get in or we would just stand in the rain.”

“We had moved so much that I didn’t think much of another move [even though it was to a foreign country].  As long as I had my parents there, I felt secure.”

First memories of United States: “We lived in Shoreline.  Our first house was very small, but coming from a refugee camp where everything is really small, we thought the house was grand with plumbing and everything.  It was easier for my family to integrate because we were Catholic Hmong versus Animist Hmong. We found a church close to our home and it made the integration process easier because things were more familiar.”

Newly arrived in Shoreline, 8 years old.

“My father learned to drive and bought a Chevrolet station wagon for $800, but it died shortly after purchasing so we did lots of bus riding.  Our sponsor family drove us to important appointments and the husband of the first family we lived with when we arrived was a dentist so he took care of all our teeth.  We were so fortunate to have such loving people take care of our family when we first came to Seattle.”

Childhood memories:  “I think it was very difficult for my parents, but Hmong people have been migratory for centuries, so I think it was in their blood...survivalist...’we are here, we cannot go back, so let’s make the best of it.’  My parents just did what they could, got by with what they had and asked for help when they needed it.”

“My parents did a lot of different jobs.  I think my father worked in a manufacturing facility for a while, then a grocery store.  He was volunteering to help the Hmong people in Seattle and surrounding cities, it was a natural role for him.  I think he is a natural born leader. Eventually the Arch Bishop asked him to work at Our Lady of Mt. Virgin Church.  All different Laotian ethnicities gathered there. He has been there for almost 30 years. In the mid-1980’s, King County instituted the IndoChinese Farm Project to provide a vehicle for refugees to earn incomes through farming.  My father was one of the first people to be involved in the project. King County gave land in Woodinville to immigrants.  My mom started farming around 1987. She started growing vegetables but then, after she saw someone growing flowers, she started to grow them too.  When I was in high school and college, myself and my siblings would help her and she could go to more markets. She continues to farm to this day at the age of 63, but now just sells at Pike’s Place Market and the University Market.”

“I enjoyed school. I excelled and did better than other students, but I always felt different than other students.  There were not many Hmong people where we lived. I think I never felt like I completely fit in. I felt different. Nobody else but my family and my sisters had a similar experience.  Other kids couldn’t understand coming home, speaking a different language and eating different foods. My background and history was just so different. It was kind of lonely. My parents couldn’t help us with school.  They did always encourage us to do well, but they couldn’t help us. It was all up to us. However much motivation we had was what we had. ”

Xee, 13 years old

Where did your motivation to excel in school come from?:  "I think it was just me.  I wanted to have a different life than what we had.  We grew up very poor. I didn’t want to be poor. I knew that school was my way out and it would give me more opportunities.  I understood where we came from. The fact that my parents did not speak English when we arrived in Seattle, they could not get well paying jobs.  It was just the way it was but I thought it is not the way it will be when I get older.”

“I think being poor is really a blessing, if you look at it...we were creative.  We made our own toys. I remember making a dollhouse out of cardboard. I didn’t have a real dollhouse, but I could build one.”

“I had a personal expectation that I would go onto college.  I just wanted to be more educated. I saw a lot of poverty. People getting married young, not having a lot of opportunity so they were stuck...I wanted to do something different.  I wanted to do something with my life. I had to figure out the college process on my own. I studied and did well on the test [SAT] and received a scholarship to Seattle University.”

Xee was the first person in her family to attend college.  After graduating with an accounting degree she was hired by a local accounting firm.   "I realized accounting wasn't what I enjoyed at all, so I started helping my mother with her farming business.  I discovered I was good at it and could help my mother’s business. We made a good partnership for many years."

Following the adoption of her first child, Xee choose to be a stay at home mom.

You are an American but raised with a Hmong influence, how do you identify yourself?:  I am still trying to figure that out.  I am Hmong and yet I feel I am not quite Hmong either.  I don’t feel like you can be 100% Hmong unless you live where there are Hmong.  I don’t really feel very Hmong and that is probably why I didn’t marry a Hmong man.  I didn’t feel like I could live up to the Hmong standards in a relationship. Being a Hmong daughter-in-law, you get up early, you make breakfast, you go to work, you come home, you take care of the kids...you are doing everything.  There are a lot more expectations. There are a lot of parties you have to attend. Always busy, every weekend someone is having a party or a funeral if you live in a large Hmong community.”

Xee, 16 years old and in traditional Hmong attire.

Was there an expectation to marry a Hmong man?:  “Oh yes, my parents wanted all of us to marry Hmong.  They wanted us to stay in the culture because of all the divorces in the Caucasian population.  They were so afraid we couldn’t make it [multi-racial marriage] work. I dated three Hmong. The Hmong boys I dated, like me, were more Americanized and didn’t have cultural expectations of me.  But I knew their parents would. In the back of my mind, I knew I wouldn’t marry in the community because I didn’t want to be trapped by all the obligations. When my relationship with my caucasian boyfriend (now husband) became serious, my parents did not express any strong disapproval because they knew he was a good man.  I was the first daughter not to marry Hmong.”

“We had a beautiful Catholic ceremony in July and the following spring we had a traditional Hmong wedding.  It is a very long ceremony. It can take up to three or four days.”

What was your most difficult time in life: “Not being able to have children of my own was probably the biggest challenge of my life and I also realize that it is the biggest blessing of my life.”

“I come from a culture that has a lot of kids.  People were having kids left and right...all around me.  Now it doesn’t bother me, but back then, it was very hard to see someone get pregnant so easily and it doesn’t happen for you...you feel left out.  ‘What is wrong with me that I am being left out?’”

Xee and her husband chose to adopt.  “I don’t know if other first time parents feel this way, but I felt like, ‘what if I’m not qualified to be a parent.  If I don’t know what to do. If I am just not a good mother.’ I had a lot of doubt and fears and excitement.  We found out less than a month before we had to travel to pick her up. I remember vividly the day I got a call from my husband telling me the consulate appointment was scheduled.  I was at the market selling flowers with my mother and found out we would be traveling the next Wednesday to China to meet our daughter.”

Adoption:  “They bring in the baby.  She is so quiet, looking around, observing.  Of course, she is just so beautiful, but of course, there is no connection yet.  The woman hands me a baby and I hold her in my arms. It doesn’t feel real yet. I feel like I am holding someone else’s baby.  She is very sweet. Not a peep out of her as she is looking around. We finish our paperwork and go to our hotel room. She is sitting on the bed still very quiet, just observing.  I have this overwhelming feeling that comes over me...’Oh my gosh, this is a huge responsibility that I have taken on. I am going to to the very best I can for this little baby! What an awesome responsibility this is for me!’  I think it was at that moment that I felt like she was ours. When I think about that moment it brings tears to my eyes. It was just a really special moment when I realized she was ours...she belonged to us.”

“We waited three years to start the adoption process again...we waited too long...Chinese adoption had changed.  We waited five years. We decided it did not make sense to have another baby at that point so we said we would adopt an older child.  But even older, healthy children were hard to come by so we decided to switch to a special needs child. We reviewed a few files...it was difficult.  When you don’t accept a child, it is a rejection and you feel guilty. ‘Why can’t I take this child? This child just needs a home and love.’ But we had to be realistic, ‘Can I really take this child and give them the home they really need making them feel welcome and loved?’  After a few, we received a referral for our daughter, whose special needs was her eyesight.”

“It was very different with our second daughter because she was older.  The bonding doesn’t happen in just three or four days [as with an infant].  It takes much longer. A lot of habits had already formed that you have to undo.  There have been a lot of adjustments for everyone in the first year, but she is doing great, she loves school and my older daughter is just thrilled to have her sister here.”

Xee in Hawaii post college.

Did you ever feel like you were living between two worlds?:  Oh, I still feel that way.  Because of my unique background, I mean it is not so unique, but for the majority of people, they do not have the same experiences as I had.  So I feel like if I talked about my experiences, people wouldn’t really understand. I kind of feel like I’m not quite...I don’t have two feet in the American culture and I don’t have two feet in the Hmong culture.  I kind of have one foot in both and go back and forth and I am

A few more thoughts from Xee that have stayed with me:  “When we are young, we don’t think we will be in a place when we are older that we are still thinking about what we want to do when we are older.  {You think when you are older you will have life figured out] But now that I am in an older body, but my mind still has ideas about ‘what will I do...what am I going to do that will leave an impression when I die?’  I think about that a lot...’What is my purpose?’ What am I to do now that I am 40? Being 40 and not quite sure what I want to do when I grow up...still having those dreams of those who are in their 20s...which ones do I still have?  Which ones should I revise? As I get older, I try really hard to see the extraordinary in the ordinary because what if that is all there is?”

“I think when life is patched too nicely for you, you do not have a chance to grow.  I think that is why my “package” was all warped.” [Followed by BIG smiles]

How Tara connected with Xee:  My boys and I were seated at a lazy Susan table for dim sum in the International District as Xee and her daughters were finishing up their meal at the same table.

How Tara connected with Xee:  My boys and I were seated at a lazy Susan table for dim sum in the International District as Xee and her daughters were finishing up their meal at the same table.

If you are in Seattle and want to get started connecting with the world in your backyard, join me at the inaugural Conversations with The World In My Backyard gathering on January 23rd in Capitol Hill. https://www.eventbrite.com/o/29028469781.

Empathy & Connectivity—A Lesson Learned from the Seahawks

Sunday was a blip on the map for most people in the world, but here in Seattle, it was a day filled with abounding excitement, with hope and with community.  Hundreds of thousands of people in Seattle and around the globe were fortunate to be drawn together around a common cause…NFL football.  NFL FOOTBALL!!  It seems crazy that sports can bring people together hoping to further their happiness with another win.  We were all proud to be 12's in our city.  Young, old, rich, poor, black, white, Asian, straight, gay….everyone was part of one great community galvanized by a common goal…another Seahawk win.  The connected vibe in Seattle was palpable and intoxicating.   The energy had been building for months, reaching its peak at 3:30pm Pacific Time.  But, a mere four hours later, Seattleites were filled with question, frustration, sadness and even anger because of one play.  How quickly emotions shifted and the electrified air was sucked out of our sails.  After a few days of reflecting on the emotions surrounding the Seattle Seahawks, their accomplishments and their defeat, I realized it is a perfect analogy for why we, as a society, get in the way of real human connectedness.

Sunday left me wondering if the ingrained societal “default” behavior is judgment and criticism, instead of empathy and understanding.  When life is good, it is not as apparent and has less impact because we are enjoying ourselves.  But when something goes wrong, we instinctually turn to questioning, blame and criticism.  Those three actions undoubtedly create negative reactions. 

If this is the societal “norm”, why would any individual ever venture outside of their comfort zone, knowing they will most likely be met with questioning and criticism?  It is much “safer” to stay in the comfort zone and join in the judgment, blame and criticism of what we don’t understand, resulting in stagnancy and disconnectedness. 

What is crazy to me is, I think most people crave community, acceptance, happiness, and understanding but clearly it can be fleeting based on perception and judgment.  Nothing changed for 99.5% of the proud, enthusiastic community that existed on Sunday, except their team lost…our lives did not change, but our happiness was erased.  To take it even further, maybe .5% of people who were truly impacted by the loss have to stand tall and answer countless, incessant questions about ONE play.  ONE PLAY!!  Their lives this week truly have been impacted and I cannot fathom the weight they are shouldering individually and collectively.  It must be mentally crushing.  As a layman, I cannot imagine the mental and emotional strength it must take for Pete Carroll to open his bedroom door in the morning and be met with such question.  The individuals that truly gave their heart, soul, body and spirit to bring home a win to Seattle are the ones who deserve our understanding and support most…but instead they are met w/ judgment.  How isolating that must feel!  Do people forget that they are just like you and me...human...not super human.  Imagine trying to deal with the devastation while under the microscope the media creates.  I would want to crawl down a rabbit hole and not emerge until 2020!!  Not an option for these guys.  

Ironically, Seahawk fans and the sporting world at-large spent a season filled with pride and adoration for what Pete Carroll and his football team represented—making choices most would not, playing a game uniquely different than any other NFL team has ever played.  We were in awe of decisions Carroll and the head office made to bring a together individuals that most NFL execs overlooked.  We were proud of the fact that the Seahawk team and their victories represented “team” not “I” or a few superstar individuals.  The shift that occurred in one goal line play is sadly mindboggling for me.  The sporting world and the Seattle 12's moved from celebrating Pete Carroll’s unconventional choices and decisions to vilifying him for ONE play call.  One call that could have easily had a different result—a reception, touchdown and a Seattle repeat as the Super Bowl Champions.  The city would have gone berserk.  Celebrations and connectedness would have lasted for weeks.  Pete Carroll would be held up as one of the best coaches in NFL history.  We know life does not always work out they way that we want.  But instead of having empathy for the outcome, most have chosen to question and blame.

I wish we could put a magnifying glass on this immediate shift in our local societal behavior and had it play out in an alternative universe where we led with empathy and understanding instead of judgment and questioning.  There is so much to be gained by shifting the perspective because, just as the Seahawks have been providing us with incredible life lessons throughout their season, they are continuing to provide us with more in the face of defeat.  What if, instead of leading with frustration and anger, causing a shutdown to understanding, our community paused and thought about the gravity and impact that one play had on the people who were on the field.  This would lead to empathy and leave us open to learning from their real experience, creating more understanding, resulting in stronger connections as a community instead of separation.

After experiencing a few hours of disappointment myself, I realized I needed to continue celebrating this amazing football team.  As a former athlete and mother of two young boys, I am grateful for the messages Pete Carroll and the Seahawks continue to provide.  The path less traveled is never easy, it takes infinite courage and in the end, our world is a better place because of the courage of the individual!

The words and wisdom courageous individuals share from their real experiences can translate to every human being.  I hope for the day that our societal default will be empathy, support and understanding, so we always learn from each other and become more connected in this fast pace, crazy world.

I close with one of the many messages that has inspired me as a result of the Seahawks Super Bowl loss.  On Tuesday, Russell Willson share this on his Facebook page:

"Thank you to a good friend for passing this inspirational message along.  12's, share this with your friends and loved ones if you are already focusing on next season.  #DontQuit

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit -

Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a fellow turns about

When he might have won had he stuck it out.

Don't give up though the pace seems slow -

You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than

It seems to a faint and faltering man;

Often the struggler has given up

When he might have captured the victor's cup;

And he learned to late when the night came down,

How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out -

And you never can tell how close you are,

It might be near when it seems afar;

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -

It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

Thank you Coach Carroll, Russell Wilson and all the Seattle Super Seahawks!!  We are incredibly lucky to have you in Seattle!

This week, our country celebrated Martin Luther King Day.  In Seattle there was a march, online there were countless images and powerful quotes shared, throughout the country people entered theaters to watch Selma, a powerful movie depicting Martin Luther King’s campaign to secure equal voting rights via an epic 54-mile, 5-day march from Selma to Montgomery, Alabama.  I took my family to the movie and was moved to tears by the end of the film.  To read and hear the words of MLK, Jr., to be reminded of the courage of the human spirit to stand up and peacefully demonstrate for equal rights, fair treatment and hope for opportunity, to share this history with new generations...all of this is so inspiring.  But what about today and tomorrow… next month and in August??  The inspirations fade to the background and are replace with prejudice, presumption, fear, unrest, demonstrations, anger, resentment, questioning…We are approaching the 40 year anniversary of one of this country’s greatest peacemaker and I am saddened that, although progress has happened, prejudice continues to be pervasive in our society.  How can this move from conversations & inspirations to new & different actions to create change?

I am constantly wondering if pre-judgment is instinctual.  I know, as much as I hate to admit it, I make presumption about people ALL THE TIME  that keep me distant from them.  Depending on the day I am having, an experience from my youth, the choices I lean towards, the media I intake, the stories or gossip I have heard, I pre-judge even though I know that it is not fair, I DO IT. (My list of pre-judgment is long…I just based on religion, economics, age, race, education, beauty, material objects, associations, political choices, eating styles, occupation, culture…these are only top of mind topics, I am sure I could go on and on)  Sometimes I do it to make myself feel better about me and my life.  Sometimes, if I internally disparage someone else, I can avoid focusing on my own faults.  It allows me to justify keeping my wall up.  It really takes courage and consciousness to push the assumptions aside and connect (which, crazily, isn’t that difficult to do).  I would venture to guess that the majority of the times this happens in an honest, open way the prejudices fall away and the discovery of similarity or a learning moment happen.  But it takes work.  In the past few years, I am now realizing, I am becoming less and less tolerant of my instinctual dialogue, ignoring it and listening to another voice.  “Say hello, tell them you like their hat, their smile, their shoes.  Share what is on your mind and see what they think about it instead of assuming you know their answer.  Why are you holding back…just do it.”  Seriously, I have some little dialogue with myself.  9 out of 10 times when I open up to someone new, I get back way more than I ever could have imagined.  And I have a new, lived experience to counter stories I may have hear 2^nd hand, from the news or on social media.   I am dispelling the perception I had with the reality I experience.

Have we been conditioned since our youth to accept perception instead of discovering reality?  We all know perception is never the reality, so why do we accept it?  We are bombarded daily with information to help us form perceptions.  Do we question our perception?  That takes more work.  That takes putting ourselves in uncomfortable or unfamiliar situations.

Here is a quick example that just popped into my head…from the global news, we tend to paint wide swaths…Islam terrorist killed 12 Parisians—Our societal take away…Islam is a crazy religion filled with violent followers.  Be guarded and questioning of all Islamic people.  Instead, we should realize that incident, those 2 Islamic men are the anomaly.  2 men in a population of exceeding 1.5 BILLION Islams (a quarter of the world population).  TWO radicals.  Two bad apples.  They cannot be our sole representation of Islam.  But we allow the news to sink in and be our knowledge, build our fear, keep us separate…this happens every single day just insert a different identifying factor (black, dropout, millionaire, Mormon, Russian, post-partum mom, unemployed man, politician, welfare…you choose the descriptive, there will always be a bad, horrific story to tag on and allow us to form our perception of that “group”).

So, I sit here super sad when I think about the vision, dreams, wisdom, inspiration and leadership Martin Luther King shared with our country 50 years ago because I see our behaviors and disconnection countering what I believe all human beings hope for and want to believe in.  We remember and celebrate MLK, we teach our children his words…but what we do with our actions will always be more powerful than anything we can pass on with words.  But, just like it was required of him to be great, it is required of us…it requires courage to reflect on our behavior and try something a little different. 

I, for one am experiencing the benefits every single day because I am trying to put myself out there.  Trying to ignore my prejudice and connect.  In person, online…wherever.  It isn’t easy.  Lots of times I want to shut down and listen to my negative instinctual voice, but I have had way too many experiences now to know that it is worth the effort.  Human connectivity really, really matters and can change lives.  And I know it can change our world to be the world MLK envisioned. 

What do you think?  Are you in?  Let me know…

Why Me??

How did I arrive at this place that has a strangle hold on my heart and head?  When what you are doing does not have a road map, you spend lots of time trying to explain the why (or at least that has been my experience).  There is not an hour in the day that passes without a thought, explanation, inspiration or experience that reminds me how essential and important human connectivity is.  The ongoing mental and emotional battle I struggle with is not being able to concisely articulate "The Why" of what I am doing because.  On any given day, my reason will be different (my husband will be the first witness to confirm that…which always has him scratching his head and thinking it would be better for me to stick w/ photography).  The list of whys is exhaustive.  Here are just a few that are rattling through my mind today:

• Although there has been progress towards equality for all citizens, our country continues to be divided by color, religion, money, education, age, sexual preference, gender, politics and personal choices--ironically all things that make our country one of the best places in the world to live.  There is constant conversation about diversity and the importance of equality for all but how do we move from conversation to action beyond individual groups having to fight to be understood and treated equally?  
• The pace of our society and technological innovation is creating a heads down (or in the cloud) culture.  Parents fear the amount of screen time their kids are having, but parents are just as heads down and tied into their devices and technology as their children.  Everyday the younger generations are seeing this behavior modeled, why wouldn't they follow our lead?  Technological connectivity is a part of life but instead of fearing and fighting it, we need to accept it and realize with the change we must consciously lift our heads and connect with the people in our reality.  Of course, it is much easier to stay heads down and now we have an excuse to do just that...we appear busy and connected but, more often than not, we are more isolated and lonely.  
• I clearly remember when I was little (I'm a '70s girl), our society was based on hope and prosperity.  I remember consistently hearing this is the land of opportunity and anything is possible.  There was a strong sense of national pride around the USA being a melting pot.  Just a few decades later and the pride and positive messaging has been replaced with fear--fear of failure, fear of others, fear of dying, fear of not being good enough, on and on and on!!  All this fear keeps us disconnected, questioning ourselves, questioning others, staying in our safe/comfort zone…DIVIDED.  Human connectivity with people different than you is essential to quelling the prevailing fear-based messaging we are bombarded by daily.

Since starting The WMB, I began hearing, "This is the land of opportunity and anything is possible" again…from immigrant subjects.  They are not jaded by the overriding current cultural messages (not sure how to say that).  Most times, they are so grateful and excited to be in the United States.  Most live without expectations beyond getting education, finding jobs and working hard.  They make new connections, they do not let fear guide them. Often they prosper and impact those around them in positive ways.  I want to get back to living in a society that is filled with pride for being a melting pot, not spewing vehement hatred.  I believe it is possible!

• When I connect with new people, they often reflect back to me the beauty and inspiration I do not see in myself.  This is fuel for my soul.  I know I tend to focus on what I am insecure about  It can be very depressing and isolating.                                                                      Acquaintances and strangers never see us through the same lens we see ourselves (and they are often too busy thinking about what they suck at or how they look to be as critical of you as you are to your self).  But it is scary because we assume people will see us for who we think we are…they don't…if you are open, willingly share a little about yourself, people will see you for WHO you are, which is a unique, one of a kind person.  
• It could be a random 20 second or 20 minute connection…it doesn't take much…but when they happen, they can be spirit lifting whether it is a shared laugh with a stranger, a shared perspective with someone you wouldn't normally interact with, a new secret skill learned…it can make your day just a little bit better.  So why wouldn't you be open to lifting your head and saying yellow???  (That is funny, that was a Freudian typo…I was actually thinking while I was typing that it isn't really just hello that will open the door, but a different question or remark…so maybe try saying yellow, not hello and see what happens!!)

You are probably getting the gist--I could go on and on, and I am not even sure if any of it is making sense…insert image of whirling dervish!!  But the answer to each of the issues, I believe, is the importance of human connectivity.  It matters and I must put my own insecurities aside and push my thoughts out and push on.

The one real truth I know is that life is super hard.  SUPER HARD!  Nobody is immune to the life virus.  Regardless of who you are, where you were born, how old you are, how much money you have, what job you have, how much family you have…every single life is on its own roller coaster and no one is immune to struggle, hardship, illness, loneliness or fear.  I remember when I was in my early 20s, I had zero idea of what I "wanted to do with my life"(the WORST question asked incessantly to teenagers & young adults).  I remember thinking, "I can't wait until I am 40 because then, at least I will know the answer and what I am doing with my life.  It will be so much easier then…"  I'm there...my 40s...my self-portrait, resume, accomplishments and family have changed, but life is not any easier.  Maybe my assumption that this is true for all people is off, but I can only go with what I know. LIFE IS HARD!!  But what I have learned is that the connections I have made in my life and being able to share my truth and struggles with others has helped me better move through life, find support, find inspiration, find commiseration, find acceptance and self-love instead of diving off the deep end.  And so, at 43, I cannot fully answer the Why Me question, but I know that I cannot ignore it.  I found this quote before the new year that deeply resonated with me. 

I hope you will follow me down this path aways and then create a few of your own!  You never know when you will impact someone or when you will be impacted but both will happen if you connect!

First Day

It is the first full work week of 2015.  Seven months have passed since I gave myself a promotion to a Human Connectivity Conservationist.  Eight blog posts in seven months…it’s been a demanding job!  In actuality, HCC has been on my mind all of the time but I needed to prioritize my “real” work, family and life.  And truth be told, my fear of putting my thoughts down on virtual paper was paralyzing…I let my fear win out and I stuck with what I knew I could do well—photography.  But after 17 years in business (no maternity leaves, to boot), I am taking 2015 off ("sabbatical" of sorts) to focus on the work I am passionately driven to do.  For the last 3 years I have dreamt about working full time on The Worldin My Backyard.  THREE YEARS!!!  And today is the Monday I get to start living that dream but my head has been spinning around one massive question, “What the heck are you doing?! “  Followed by “Where do I even begin?!!”  and “You really don’t have any idea what you are doing!!!”  Yep, I have spent the last week thinking, "be careful with you wish for"!!

Leading into the first work day of the year, I knew only one thing.  I would not be jumping right back into sharing content about the great people who are a part of The WMB.  I have BIG dreams for the project that will take time to lay the groundwork to build from.  I told myself I would clear my office of all things related to my photography business, clean (envision the space of a creative…organized chaos throughout the room), clean, clear out, clean AND write one HCC post.  When push comes to shove, this creative being can clean and organize Martha Stewart style.  Especially when filled with fear about doing the last task…clean, organize, avoid, worry, clean, day dream about all the connectivity thoughts screaming through my mind, all the while hoping I could be inspired to formulate my thought and hit "publish" but worried I would get to the end of the work day with just a clean office.  That was the direction my first work day of living my dream year was heading ntil I received a call at 9:26 this morning…

An hour into cleaning my phone rings.  I look at the caller ID and see a friend’s name that I think I have talked to on the phone maybe 10 times in the duration of our 15+ yr friendship.  My first thought was that something horrible must have happened to a mutual friend or her family.  Even after answering and a few minutes talking about kids getting back to school, work and holidays, I was still waiting for her to drop a bomb.  Something must have happened to motivate the call.  Neither of us are phone talkers—we text or see each other in person…something is bad but she just isn’t getting to it.  We keep talking and I am actually super psyched to actually start my day off talking with her and hearing her voice, but I am waiting for the bad news.  What could it be???

And then, ten minutes in, the answer surfaces and kind of knocks me over.  She said since it was 2015, she was starting something new.  She is going to call people when she is thinking of them.  “Texting and Facebook just aren’t doing it for me.  I have time when I am on my way to work or traveling with work to call people…I never do.  And now I am going to and I am starting with you because you inspired me a last year when you sent out a letter…”  Our conversation continued a few more minutes until she arrived at her office.  Her call seriously made my day.  It was simple.  Nothing earth shattering was shared but it was so good to hear her voice.  We both acknowledged how great real connectivity is.  It does not give you something tangible to hold up for proof of importance but I know my head and heart lift with even the smallest human connection.  It matters.  Ester Frey’s call this morning provided me with the little pebble I needed to carry me through the day.  And then stars begin aligning.

In the midst of writing this post, I went and found the letter I sent out to last year that she had referred to for her new years inspiration.  Last new years, I was inspired by my friend who had passed away the previous summer.  When I found the letter, I was surprised to see how I started it...January 6^th.  That is tomorrow.  Without Ester’s call, I would not have been inspired enough to write and hit “publish”.  Without her call, I would not have thought about last year’s writing.  And her call now has Stacey sitting at the top of my mind.  She was one incredible woman whose life ended way too soon.  As I sit here thinking of her, I remember EVERY SINGLE TIME we were together, somehow she let me know, whether through telling others about my work or a recent adventure of mine or telling me directly what she thought of me.  She always said she was my biggest fan.  So today, as I am embarking on my dream job (the scariest thing I have ever done), I know my biggest fan is cheering for me loudly and because of Ester’s inspiration to connect I am hearing Stacey loud and clear.   Tears are filling my eyes while confusion still clouds my head but I will follow my heart and my vision because I am lucky to be touched friends old, new and those unknown in the days ahead.  

In closing, I will share the card I sent out one year ago this week.  The picture above is from the front of the card.  In the left corner, you can barely my title for the image, "A New Dawn".  Fitting for today's post.  Happy New Year and may 2015 be a year to celebrate human connections, new, old, big and small.  I will be sharing mine here and I hope you follow along, share with friends and maybe even share with me how human connections have impacted you.