This week, our country celebrated Martin Luther King Day.  In Seattle there was a march, online there were countless images and powerful quotes shared, throughout the country people entered theaters to watch Selma, a powerful movie depicting Martin Luther King’s campaign to secure equal voting rights via an epic 54-mile, 5-day march from Selma to Montgomery, Alabama.  I took my family to the movie and was moved to tears by the end of the film.  To read and hear the words of MLK, Jr., to be reminded of the courage of the human spirit to stand up and peacefully demonstrate for equal rights, fair treatment and hope for opportunity, to share this history with new generations...all of this is so inspiring.  But what about today and tomorrow… next month and in August??  The inspirations fade to the background and are replace with prejudice, presumption, fear, unrest, demonstrations, anger, resentment, questioning…We are approaching the 40 year anniversary of one of this country’s greatest peacemaker and I am saddened that, although progress has happened, prejudice continues to be pervasive in our society.  How can this move from conversations & inspirations to new & different actions to create change?

I am constantly wondering if pre-judgment is instinctual.  I know, as much as I hate to admit it, I make presumption about people ALL THE TIME  that keep me distant from them.  Depending on the day I am having, an experience from my youth, the choices I lean towards, the media I intake, the stories or gossip I have heard, I pre-judge even though I know that it is not fair, I DO IT. (My list of pre-judgment is long…I just based on religion, economics, age, race, education, beauty, material objects, associations, political choices, eating styles, occupation, culture…these are only top of mind topics, I am sure I could go on and on)  Sometimes I do it to make myself feel better about me and my life.  Sometimes, if I internally disparage someone else, I can avoid focusing on my own faults.  It allows me to justify keeping my wall up.  It really takes courage and consciousness to push the assumptions aside and connect (which, crazily, isn’t that difficult to do).  I would venture to guess that the majority of the times this happens in an honest, open way the prejudices fall away and the discovery of similarity or a learning moment happen.  But it takes work.  In the past few years, I am now realizing, I am becoming less and less tolerant of my instinctual dialogue, ignoring it and listening to another voice.  “Say hello, tell them you like their hat, their smile, their shoes.  Share what is on your mind and see what they think about it instead of assuming you know their answer.  Why are you holding back…just do it.”  Seriously, I have some little dialogue with myself.  9 out of 10 times when I open up to someone new, I get back way more than I ever could have imagined.  And I have a new, lived experience to counter stories I may have hear 2^nd hand, from the news or on social media.   I am dispelling the perception I had with the reality I experience.

Have we been conditioned since our youth to accept perception instead of discovering reality?  We all know perception is never the reality, so why do we accept it?  We are bombarded daily with information to help us form perceptions.  Do we question our perception?  That takes more work.  That takes putting ourselves in uncomfortable or unfamiliar situations.

Here is a quick example that just popped into my head…from the global news, we tend to paint wide swaths…Islam terrorist killed 12 Parisians—Our societal take away…Islam is a crazy religion filled with violent followers.  Be guarded and questioning of all Islamic people.  Instead, we should realize that incident, those 2 Islamic men are the anomaly.  2 men in a population of exceeding 1.5 BILLION Islams (a quarter of the world population).  TWO radicals.  Two bad apples.  They cannot be our sole representation of Islam.  But we allow the news to sink in and be our knowledge, build our fear, keep us separate…this happens every single day just insert a different identifying factor (black, dropout, millionaire, Mormon, Russian, post-partum mom, unemployed man, politician, welfare…you choose the descriptive, there will always be a bad, horrific story to tag on and allow us to form our perception of that “group”).

So, I sit here super sad when I think about the vision, dreams, wisdom, inspiration and leadership Martin Luther King shared with our country 50 years ago because I see our behaviors and disconnection countering what I believe all human beings hope for and want to believe in.  We remember and celebrate MLK, we teach our children his words…but what we do with our actions will always be more powerful than anything we can pass on with words.  But, just like it was required of him to be great, it is required of us…it requires courage to reflect on our behavior and try something a little different. 

I, for one am experiencing the benefits every single day because I am trying to put myself out there.  Trying to ignore my prejudice and connect.  In person, online…wherever.  It isn’t easy.  Lots of times I want to shut down and listen to my negative instinctual voice, but I have had way too many experiences now to know that it is worth the effort.  Human connectivity really, really matters and can change lives.  And I know it can change our world to be the world MLK envisioned. 

What do you think?  Are you in?  Let me know…

Why Me??

How did I arrive at this place that has a strangle hold on my heart and head?  When what you are doing does not have a road map, you spend lots of time trying to explain the why (or at least that has been my experience).  There is not an hour in the day that passes without a thought, explanation, inspiration or experience that reminds me how essential and important human connectivity is.  The ongoing mental and emotional battle I struggle with is not being able to concisely articulate "The Why" of what I am doing because.  On any given day, my reason will be different (my husband will be the first witness to confirm that…which always has him scratching his head and thinking it would be better for me to stick w/ photography).  The list of whys is exhaustive.  Here are just a few that are rattling through my mind today:

• Although there has been progress towards equality for all citizens, our country continues to be divided by color, religion, money, education, age, sexual preference, gender, politics and personal choices--ironically all things that make our country one of the best places in the world to live.  There is constant conversation about diversity and the importance of equality for all but how do we move from conversation to action beyond individual groups having to fight to be understood and treated equally?  
• The pace of our society and technological innovation is creating a heads down (or in the cloud) culture.  Parents fear the amount of screen time their kids are having, but parents are just as heads down and tied into their devices and technology as their children.  Everyday the younger generations are seeing this behavior modeled, why wouldn't they follow our lead?  Technological connectivity is a part of life but instead of fearing and fighting it, we need to accept it and realize with the change we must consciously lift our heads and connect with the people in our reality.  Of course, it is much easier to stay heads down and now we have an excuse to do just that...we appear busy and connected but, more often than not, we are more isolated and lonely.  
• I clearly remember when I was little (I'm a '70s girl), our society was based on hope and prosperity.  I remember consistently hearing this is the land of opportunity and anything is possible.  There was a strong sense of national pride around the USA being a melting pot.  Just a few decades later and the pride and positive messaging has been replaced with fear--fear of failure, fear of others, fear of dying, fear of not being good enough, on and on and on!!  All this fear keeps us disconnected, questioning ourselves, questioning others, staying in our safe/comfort zone…DIVIDED.  Human connectivity with people different than you is essential to quelling the prevailing fear-based messaging we are bombarded by daily.

Since starting The WMB, I began hearing, "This is the land of opportunity and anything is possible" again…from immigrant subjects.  They are not jaded by the overriding current cultural messages (not sure how to say that).  Most times, they are so grateful and excited to be in the United States.  Most live without expectations beyond getting education, finding jobs and working hard.  They make new connections, they do not let fear guide them. Often they prosper and impact those around them in positive ways.  I want to get back to living in a society that is filled with pride for being a melting pot, not spewing vehement hatred.  I believe it is possible!

• When I connect with new people, they often reflect back to me the beauty and inspiration I do not see in myself.  This is fuel for my soul.  I know I tend to focus on what I am insecure about  It can be very depressing and isolating.                                                                      Acquaintances and strangers never see us through the same lens we see ourselves (and they are often too busy thinking about what they suck at or how they look to be as critical of you as you are to your self).  But it is scary because we assume people will see us for who we think we are…they don't…if you are open, willingly share a little about yourself, people will see you for WHO you are, which is a unique, one of a kind person.  
• It could be a random 20 second or 20 minute connection…it doesn't take much…but when they happen, they can be spirit lifting whether it is a shared laugh with a stranger, a shared perspective with someone you wouldn't normally interact with, a new secret skill learned…it can make your day just a little bit better.  So why wouldn't you be open to lifting your head and saying yellow???  (That is funny, that was a Freudian typo…I was actually thinking while I was typing that it isn't really just hello that will open the door, but a different question or remark…so maybe try saying yellow, not hello and see what happens!!)

You are probably getting the gist--I could go on and on, and I am not even sure if any of it is making sense…insert image of whirling dervish!!  But the answer to each of the issues, I believe, is the importance of human connectivity.  It matters and I must put my own insecurities aside and push my thoughts out and push on.

The one real truth I know is that life is super hard.  SUPER HARD!  Nobody is immune to the life virus.  Regardless of who you are, where you were born, how old you are, how much money you have, what job you have, how much family you have…every single life is on its own roller coaster and no one is immune to struggle, hardship, illness, loneliness or fear.  I remember when I was in my early 20s, I had zero idea of what I "wanted to do with my life"(the WORST question asked incessantly to teenagers & young adults).  I remember thinking, "I can't wait until I am 40 because then, at least I will know the answer and what I am doing with my life.  It will be so much easier then…"  I'm there...my 40s...my self-portrait, resume, accomplishments and family have changed, but life is not any easier.  Maybe my assumption that this is true for all people is off, but I can only go with what I know. LIFE IS HARD!!  But what I have learned is that the connections I have made in my life and being able to share my truth and struggles with others has helped me better move through life, find support, find inspiration, find commiseration, find acceptance and self-love instead of diving off the deep end.  And so, at 43, I cannot fully answer the Why Me question, but I know that I cannot ignore it.  I found this quote before the new year that deeply resonated with me. 

I hope you will follow me down this path aways and then create a few of your own!  You never know when you will impact someone or when you will be impacted but both will happen if you connect!

Why care?

I am constantly asking myself, “Why am I so motivated to promote human connectivity?  Why can’t I just let it rest and be at peace with what I know I can do well and can earn a living from (photography)?  Why is it so important?  And who cares, anyway?”  And the truth is I feel like my life would be easier just letting it go and settling in with the known.  I know my husband would be grateful for the calmness of the known.  My heart and mind could rest instead of constantly churning thinking about avenues to pursue, words to convey, people I wish I could work with to further my vision.  But settling is not in my DNA.  Reaching for my dreams is (thank you mom and Dad!) and these are the thoughts that come to mind in this moment when I try to answer the first question (every hour I could give a different answer).

Three years ago, The World in My Backyard idea came to me.  I would share with people, via a coffee table album, the incredible diversity and fabric of the Greater Seattle community.  It was simplistic in concept and seemingly very doable.  With each new person I met and interviewed my excitement grew.  I could not wait to share the faces and life stories of the individuals.  With time, I realized my simplistic idea was already changing my own life and just a book about 193 individual pictures and stories would not suffice.

I am fortunate to have life experiences traveling the world and living in different states in our country providing me with opportunities to meet and learn from people completely different than myself.  

But none could hold a candle to the year I spent working on the project.  Truly, this is not an exaggeration.  It was the best year of my life and I did not have to leave my home.  As the year progressed, I was overwhelmed with the individual stories, but even more so, I fiercely wished other people could have similar experiences as I was having by simply making new connections.  My life was impacted in little ways by some and LIFE CHANGING ways in others.  Regardless of the depth of each new connection, with each person I was inspired.  I learned something new (about them, the world I live in, another culture, another religion, an occupation, a great restaurant, a play…about myself) and these became a part of my life and my family’s life. 

Many times people have said to me, “Tara, you are so lucky because you have traveled the world.  Your boys are so lucky because you are taking them to see the world.  They will learn so because of the experiences you are giving them.”  This may be true, but I KNOW they are learning and can learn so much more about the world and citizens of the world just by connecting with the people in their world.  Isn’t the United States the melting pot of the world?  It does not take adventurous parents or money to travel to learn about other cultures around the world.  It takes being open to saying hello to the person standing next to you.  They may be a foreigner or a fifth generation American but their family, traditions, beliefs, upbringing and experiences will always be different than yours…there is always something to learn from people in the world…those standing next to you or those 10,000 miles away.  It just takes a moment to lift your head from your device, smile at someone, say hello, ask a different question, listen AND share a little about yourself. 

I know many will say, “That is all fine and good for you, Tara, but I don’t want more friends.  I don’t even have time to see the ones I have.  I am happy with my life and the family and friends in my life PERIOD.”  If we all choose to be complacent, generally communing with like-minded people and letting mass media and fear form our beliefs and assumptions about who people are and how they behave, we will continue to live in a country that is deeply divided by race, religion, politics, economics, on and on and on.  This is why I am so passionate.  

of who someone is based on what our own background and media has painted them

My time is running short today, so I will close for now which is making me very uncomfortable because I am not sure I have clearly conveyed my thoughts or provided a solid close, but time & amateur writing ability could force me to keep my thoughts spinning in my head forever or just put it out there, cross my fingers that it will resonate with a few people and move on.  2015 has me choosing the later. 

Let me know what you think!!

First Day

It is the first full work week of 2015.  Seven months have passed since I gave myself a promotion to a Human Connectivity Conservationist.  Eight blog posts in seven months…it’s been a demanding job!  In actuality, HCC has been on my mind all of the time but I needed to prioritize my “real” work, family and life.  And truth be told, my fear of putting my thoughts down on virtual paper was paralyzing…I let my fear win out and I stuck with what I knew I could do well—photography.  But after 17 years in business (no maternity leaves, to boot), I am taking 2015 off ("sabbatical" of sorts) to focus on the work I am passionately driven to do.  For the last 3 years I have dreamt about working full time on The Worldin My Backyard.  THREE YEARS!!!  And today is the Monday I get to start living that dream but my head has been spinning around one massive question, “What the heck are you doing?! “  Followed by “Where do I even begin?!!”  and “You really don’t have any idea what you are doing!!!”  Yep, I have spent the last week thinking, "be careful with you wish for"!!

Leading into the first work day of the year, I knew only one thing.  I would not be jumping right back into sharing content about the great people who are a part of The WMB.  I have BIG dreams for the project that will take time to lay the groundwork to build from.  I told myself I would clear my office of all things related to my photography business, clean (envision the space of a creative…organized chaos throughout the room), clean, clear out, clean AND write one HCC post.  When push comes to shove, this creative being can clean and organize Martha Stewart style.  Especially when filled with fear about doing the last task…clean, organize, avoid, worry, clean, day dream about all the connectivity thoughts screaming through my mind, all the while hoping I could be inspired to formulate my thought and hit "publish" but worried I would get to the end of the work day with just a clean office.  That was the direction my first work day of living my dream year was heading ntil I received a call at 9:26 this morning…

An hour into cleaning my phone rings.  I look at the caller ID and see a friend’s name that I think I have talked to on the phone maybe 10 times in the duration of our 15+ yr friendship.  My first thought was that something horrible must have happened to a mutual friend or her family.  Even after answering and a few minutes talking about kids getting back to school, work and holidays, I was still waiting for her to drop a bomb.  Something must have happened to motivate the call.  Neither of us are phone talkers—we text or see each other in person…something is bad but she just isn’t getting to it.  We keep talking and I am actually super psyched to actually start my day off talking with her and hearing her voice, but I am waiting for the bad news.  What could it be???

And then, ten minutes in, the answer surfaces and kind of knocks me over.  She said since it was 2015, she was starting something new.  She is going to call people when she is thinking of them.  “Texting and Facebook just aren’t doing it for me.  I have time when I am on my way to work or traveling with work to call people…I never do.  And now I am going to and I am starting with you because you inspired me a last year when you sent out a letter…”  Our conversation continued a few more minutes until she arrived at her office.  Her call seriously made my day.  It was simple.  Nothing earth shattering was shared but it was so good to hear her voice.  We both acknowledged how great real connectivity is.  It does not give you something tangible to hold up for proof of importance but I know my head and heart lift with even the smallest human connection.  It matters.  Ester Frey’s call this morning provided me with the little pebble I needed to carry me through the day.  And then stars begin aligning.

In the midst of writing this post, I went and found the letter I sent out to last year that she had referred to for her new years inspiration.  Last new years, I was inspired by my friend who had passed away the previous summer.  When I found the letter, I was surprised to see how I started it...January 6^th.  That is tomorrow.  Without Ester’s call, I would not have been inspired enough to write and hit “publish”.  Without her call, I would not have thought about last year’s writing.  And her call now has Stacey sitting at the top of my mind.  She was one incredible woman whose life ended way too soon.  As I sit here thinking of her, I remember EVERY SINGLE TIME we were together, somehow she let me know, whether through telling others about my work or a recent adventure of mine or telling me directly what she thought of me.  She always said she was my biggest fan.  So today, as I am embarking on my dream job (the scariest thing I have ever done), I know my biggest fan is cheering for me loudly and because of Ester’s inspiration to connect I am hearing Stacey loud and clear.   Tears are filling my eyes while confusion still clouds my head but I will follow my heart and my vision because I am lucky to be touched friends old, new and those unknown in the days ahead.  

In closing, I will share the card I sent out one year ago this week.  The picture above is from the front of the card.  In the left corner, you can barely my title for the image, "A New Dawn".  Fitting for today's post.  Happy New Year and may 2015 be a year to celebrate human connections, new, old, big and small.  I will be sharing mine here and I hope you follow along, share with friends and maybe even share with me how human connections have impacted you.