Perception and Reflection in Honor of Maya Angelou

Yesterday morning, I learned of the passing of Maya Angelou.  Then, instead of sitting down to do work I had sworn I would tackle, I did an online search for her quotes.  Quote after quote left me in awe of a woman’s work I was embarrassed to say I had never read.  So many quotes resonated with me.  All day, I was bothered with myself that I had not taken the time to read any of her work before.  It wasn’t like I hadn’t known she was a powerful writer (I am a lover of all things Oprah who was one of her biggest fans), I realized I let one event in college detour me from discovering Maya Angelou’s work before her death. 

All day, I sat in my office confounded because my personal realization of the impact of one hour during my college lit class was a great example of a topic that had been swimming in my head since my last post--my belief that perception is a gigantic barrier to human connection, discovery and personal growth.  Not surprisingly (if you have read any of my previous posts), I am struggling with how to concisely explain my thoughts and I fear creating an unintelligent ramble.  Perception is multi-layered and the barriers come not just from individuals’ perception of others, but also from our self-perception and how we attempt to control the perception others have of our self.  I will share some of my own experiences and hopefully some of it will make sense or strike a cord of understanding.  

First, I will start with the present—I just turned 43 and, in the last year, I have been told countless times, “Tara, you are not normal.”  I dismissed this at first, because I didn’t really understand what it meant.  I feel normal.  I am not trying to be different.  I’m having so much fun in life, if this isn’t normal, I am glad I’m not.  But it left me wondering what is normal and why am I “not normal”.  What I realized was the openness I had to meeting, befriending, learning and sharing new experiences with people in my community and globally was not normal.  I so deeply believe in the importance of cultivated human connectivity that I want to figure out a way to make being open to “strangers” be more normal.  I started to think about the way I am able to create unique bonds after just a minute or two of talking with someone I do not know.  I have determined it is how I approach most conversation.  I am open about my infallibilities and hardships which opens a door for others to share some of their own.  I will admit, sometimes there is a cringe factor from my husband and friends because there are topics that seem to be kept behind closed doors.  But for me, if I don’t share my difficulties with others, there would be no way to learn how to overcome them, look at them from a different perspective or receive support that I may unknowingly be in need of. 

In recent years, unique conversations are happening more frequently because I have let my guard down more and more.  The guard was my concern over and attempts to control the perception others have of me.  I have come to realize the perception I have of myself (formed from my life experiences and my insecurities) is never going to match the perception others will have of me.  I cannot control others perception, they will formulate their own perception of who I am based on their experience with me, where they are at emotionally when we cross paths, the background they come from and their own life experiences.  But it is difficult to disassociate with caring about what others think.  It feels like we are conditioned from a young age to fend off judgment, to “fit in”, to achieve.  All of which creates insecurities that we fight to hide to avoid more judgment and our “guards” get thicker and thicker.  It’s a wicked cycle.  And it is frustrating because we are a society that espouses the beauty of uniqueness but being unique means standing out, not being "normal".  It leaves you questioning if it is okay to be different.  It is so much easier to just blend in and avoid judgement.

I have never taken a poll, but I am almost certain that 99.9% of people have insecurities, habits and ways of doing things that they don’t share to avoid judgment or being misperceived so they can just “fit in”.  But the crazy thing is we are our own worst critic and when an insecurity is shared, it will usually be met with understanding, commiseration, empathy, support or encouragement.  And then the big, scary thing you so badly hated about yourself and were sometimes consumed by, melts away, the guard comes down a little and human connectivity becomes more real and meaningful.  If we openly shared our worries, insecurities, fallibilities we would discover that we are not alone, others have walked in our shoes before us, we can learn from shared experience, we can become more relatable and connected.

Since I feel like I may appear to be on a soap box, I will share things I do to avoid judgment or, conversely, foster a positive judgment. 

--the clothes I wear…depending on the events of the day, there are countless questions I ask when I get dressed.  “Am I too dressed up?  Am I under dressed?  Is this too tight?  Do I look frumpy?  Do I look fat?  Do these clothes look as old and tired as I feel like they are?”  In the end, who cares??  If someone is going to negatively judge me on my clothes than they are probably not someone I need in my life, right?  But I still think about it…

--I rarely share with people my love of television, more specifically reality television.  We are raised being told tv is bad and in the last 15 yrs reality tv is really bad…I wouldn’t want anyone to think I am a complete loser…”smart” people don’t waste their time watching tv, they read books. 

--I use make up concealer to cover up splotchy red marks I created from my unfortunate love/addiction of popping zits.  (Really I don’t think the concealer is hiding anything from anyone, but it at least makes me feel like it is.  This is a perfect example of how doing something to control others’ perception is a waste of time, so why should I even try.  I should just be real and get tips for resolving my “problem” instead of trying to hide it.) [I kind of can't believe I am not editing this out...so next time you see me and end up taking a closer look at my face because now you know one of my dirty little secrets, follow the inspection w/ any advice you may have...stomach is kind of doing backflips right now]

--I may downplay the fortunate life my husband and I have worked hard to achieve to avoid a judgment I assume someone would deduce.  For example, I rarely say my husband is an ER doctor to avoid the “doctor’s wife” stereotype.  The reality is, this is totally pathetic of me.  I am assuming people will pass judgment.  They probably won’t, but if they do, who cares.  I know our reality of how long and hard we worked to get to this stage in life and that is all that matters.  I should be proud, instead of hiding my truth to avoid judgment.  Another example is I avoid saying we have house cleaners.  The same reasoning is behind my omission. 

--Daily I struggle with what to share here or getting back to work with The World in My Backyard because neither has a road map or tangible outcome and I worry about failing.  "What would people think if it sucks?  What if I write incomprehensibly and people question what I am doing?"  So I procrastinate...easy way to avoid any judgment at all. 

--I think about what I should or should not share on Facebook (or even that I think Facebook is great).  How will people  perceive my posts?  Will people think I am over sharing?  I don't want anyone to think negatively of me.  This one I am getting over and I recently decided to to share when I feel moved to share and not think twice about what others will think (supposedly everyone who views my posts are my friends--so I really shouldn't worry at all).

The list could go on and on, but the truth is my recent Facebook realization should be carried over into my entire life.  Because the reality is we think about ourselves more than anyone else does.  Everyone is busy thinking about themselves, their families, their concerns, their hardships, their insecurities, their roller coaster of life to really care so much about mine.  And if I lived life wide open without edit, others could support me, share with me, commiserate with me and I could learn that my worries are normal and surmountable.

Finally, this brings me back to yesterday’s discovery of Maya Angelou’s work and the hour in my life 20+ years ago when a self perception was cemented and was a detriment to my own personal growth.  Although school had come easy for me, I never really enjoyed reading or writing and did not think I was smart enough to really get it.  I always did the bare minimum required to pass my advance lit classes in high school.  I never admitted my uneasiness of the subject.  I remember very few classes of my college years, but one is sear into my mind.  During my freshman year of college, after finishing a required reading of “Their Eyes Were Watching God”, by Zora Neale Hurston, I entered the classroom ready to review and discuss the American classic.  The professor asked people to share their thoughts on what the book was about.  Hands shot up, the professor frantically worked to keep up with the growing list of themes, morals and ideas students were rattling off.  As the list grew, I shrank in my seat.  It was as if I had read a completely different book.  I was a very literal reader and had completely missed the allegory (I am not ever sure that is the right word—however it was written, I just did not get it).  I felt completely stupid.  Instead of admitting that I was lost and asking for help, I slipped out of the classroom and immediately went to the registrar to drop the class.  That was that.  I wanted to control others perception of my intelligence.  I was sure I would be met with shocking abhorrence in my literary stupidity so I bailed instead of leaned in.  I never told a soul.  There were many things I was "good enough" at that I could mask my uneasiness with reading and writing...I would skate on through.  That day cemented in my mind that I was not smart enough to be an “intellectual” reader.  I was confident I would never understand anything written by African American women because I did not get one literary work by one African American woman.  I also stayed far away from American classics.  If I couldn't understand on, I was sure I would not be smart enough to understand any.  As I type, it seems so ridiculous to me that I would make such a sweeping conclusion from one reading assignment.  Yesterday, I realized because I had worked to control other’s perception of myself, I furthered my negative self perception as well as missed out an opportunity to learn and be inspired. 

I am thankful that, 20 years later, I have realized how much can be learned from sharing my infallibilities.  There are things I am good at and many more that I cannot do, but admitting what I cannot do opens the door for people who are great in those areas to share their unique expertise and passions with me, ultimately creating unimaginable and invaluable connection.

Our world lost an amazing individual yesterday.  I was alway ashamed that I never read her work, I truly believed I would not understand it.  I am grateful my eyes have been opened to what I missed and it brought to light a deep-seeded insecurity that I can now put to rest.  In honor of Maya Angelou, I close with her words that moved me on the day of her passing and will be a source of inspiration for me from this day forward.  I will share a few more quotes without my commentary in the coming days, when I will be sitting down to finally get back to work on The World in My Backyard.  If you made it to the end of this, I thank you!!  And a final note that has me feeling a bit better about what I wrote, regardless of if it makes sense to anyone...I inserted all the images after I finished writing.  The writing had nothing to do w/ the quotes and then when I went to insert some quotes, these seemed to fit perfectly.  Leaves me with a sense of peace that I definitely need when I still feel so much discomfort with my sharing.

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Technology is Not to Blame

The idea that modern culture is more connected through social media than ever, but as individuals, we are more lonely seems to becoming more and more apparent every day.  Popular consensus is to blame the internet, mobile phones filled with social apps, streaming media, etc.  I do not think human connectivity is being undermined by devices and technology at all.  I think devices are being used as a scapegoat or an easy target for something much deeper in human behavior.  The act of human connection will not improve by turning off or putting down your personal technology.  The understanding of human tendencies and an individual's fears will help begin moving from blame to interacting with the world around you.
Forming new, honest connections is not easy.  It takes energy, time, courage (to lean in, instead of opt out) and vulnerability.  My belief is, as we age, these attributes grow inversely (not sure if that is the right term...we have less of all of them).  Because we have less, it is easier to let our heads go down and blame it on a device.  Let me see if I can paint a picture of what I am thinking...
Forming new connections happens spontaneously and frequently with youth.  Rarely, can a child avoid it. From toddler groups to swimming lessons, new schools, new classes, new teams, new bands, etc...parents are always encouraging their children to play meet new kids and challenge their own abilities to learn something new.  Through shared and challenging experiences, relationships form and strengthen.  Why do so many people have best friends they met in college?  It is a time in life where we are thrust into countless challenges in "foreign" environments with people from a wide ranging backgrounds.  Lifelong friendships may happen post-college because individuals enter into another foreign world together, the "1st real job experience".  I am not a psychologist or a sociologist who has run studies or surveys, this is just my instinctual theory.  I think for the majority of our society new and meaningful individual relations become more difficult to form until there is a life changing event.  Giving birth--women bond with other pregnant and new moms going through the same thing; medical diagnosis open doors to strong bonds with people who are going through or have been through a similar diagnosis/treatment; loss of life--you bond with people who have had a similar experience.  Meaningful and unexpected connections often result.  The new bonds provide a shared understanding, strength and solace to move through unimaginable challenges.  But it is not surprising.  We are almost forced to spend time being with strangers, we do not have the energy to cover our vulnerabilities and insecurities.  Courage to face the next day, challenge or unknown comes forward.  We don't have a choice to turn away.  We share parts of our life story that we often keep hidden.  There is not enough time to think, not enough energy to filter and surprising, unanticipated discoveries are made...you have more in common with someone from a completely different background.  Differences fall away and similarities rise and bond.
Then we fall back into the mundane, "normal", difficult life and our heads drop.  And when we get down (which is completely impossible to avoid because, no matter who you are or how abundant you life is, life can seem impossible),  it is so difficult to pick your head back up.  It is much easier to open an app, stream a show, check the web...check out, than to look up.  But it is possible to create incredible, life changing bonds all the time if we start letting go and lifting our heads.  As I go forward, I will share why I think it is the easiest and most exciting thing we can do in life.  We must start modeling new behavior for the digital native generations!  They do what they see being done.  We can live meaningful, connected lives with technology, not in spite of technology.

"Digital Native" imitating what he sees
2008

Digital Native and brother 2012

Food for thought...just my little theory...I would love to hear yours or your thoughts on mine.

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Expectations

I realized last night that I should elaborate on my expectations with what I have started.  Conservationists tend to be extremists in the lifestyle choices they make centering on the resource they are passionate about conserving (i.e. Green Peace "Pirates").  This is why I feel comfortable with my self designated title.  Connecting with people (friends or complete strangers) in my neighborhood, in my city and around the world fuels my soul.  
My motivation to share my thoughts, experiences and connections is not to fill the world with an endless supply of mini mes.  That would for sure be horrible...my boys can vouch for that...probably one of me is all the world needs.  My hope is my sharing inspires the smallest shift in behavior.
As I wrote in my first post, I am coming to realize I am not normal.  I do not carry many fears.  I will try pretty much anything within reason.  But I cannot expect that of others...and I don't.  I realize most people are not like me.  Most people condemn hitch hiking.  I love it (albeit I don't do it regularly) because it opens doors to random, fascinating connections/conversations.  I don't condone hitchhiking if it makes you uncomfortable.  Most people avoid traveling to third world places publicized as highly dangerous.  I LOVE it because in the farthest reaches of the world, I am reminded that ever being in this world, although they may look different than me, speak a different language than I, have more or less education or money than myself, the people living in those "dangerous" places are more similar to me than different.  I always return home amazed by the spirit, openness and kindness I received from people living in places that are to be feared.
More often than not, when I make new connections, whether in the "safety" of my neighborhood or a far-flung "dangerous" land, I discover I have more in common with the person I am meeting than I ever could have imagined but their life experiences are different than mine.  Because of those differences (age, race, culture, gender, socio economic class, religion, hardships, successes, language, etc), there is always something to be learned, shared or tried.  I am a wholehearted believer of this quote (author unknown):

"As I go, I am wearing you--the people we meet change us forever."

My life is infinitely better because of the people that have come into pathway.  Some stay for 20 seconds, some for 2 hours and others stay for 20 years.  I am grateful for them all and my life continues to evolve because of them.  Through my work I hope to move a needle towards change in human connectivity.  Hopefully a following will come along and experience what I love and nudge the needle a bit further.  Nothing can happen without a dream and small steps.  I will see where the windy path will lead and cannot wait for all those who will cross it for a moment, a minute or a milenia!!

I believe images always make a post a little more interesting, so I want to close with sharing a few pictures from Torit, S. Sudan.  Although from a completely different life than ours in America, their human spirit, emotions, intellect and dreams are often the same.

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Reaffirming Buscaglia

Ironically, after my post yesterday, I had a similar compliment/experience.  Timing always stops me in my tracks, often allaying my fears and reaffirming things happen for a reason.  This past week, I have been sitting with a tiny sense of heebie jeebies.  I really do not know what I am doing with my newly created position in conservation.  I am trying to let go of my inhibitions, ignore the constant questioning voices in my head and just share from my heart and experience.  It feels silly.  It feels self-serving.  It feels ridiculous to be so passionate about something without a goal in mind.  I worry about what people will think. I guess they are not so tiny.  LOTS of heebie jeebies bouncing like popcorn in my head and heart.  But then I get an email, a text, a Facebook message, a call, a shared positive thought when I see someone and the voices are quelled a bit.  My courage is bolstered a bit.  My internal cheerleader starts waving the pom poms, yelling encouragement to gain a few more yards instead of waiting for the push back.  And then an unexpected connection happens that has my heart and head doing Obafemi backflips.  It happened Saturday morning, less than a day after my last post.

I ran to my closet to grab shoes before heading out the door for my son's Ultimate Frisbee game.  I reached for a pair of shoes he gave me last year for a combined birthday/Mother's Day gift.  He saved money from a lucrative lemonade stand, then custom designed a pair of Nikes for me. We both light up when I wear them, but because they are the best gift I have ever received...they must last the next 50 yrs, so I rarely wear them(he did all the color design & hit then hit it out of the park by adding "BEST" & "MOM:)" on the tongues).  The colors are far outside my comfort zone but wearing them always makes me smile.  A few months ago, when stocking up on running shoes that were on sale, I saw there were two options--safe white w/ blue accent & a hot pink pair.  Because I had experienced of wearing Cooper's bright shoes, I decided to step outside my comfort zone and order one pair of hot pink.  My boys loved them when they arrived on our porch.  I, on the other hand, was shocked, thinking there was no way they would ever come out of the closet because they were so bright.  That was until this morning, when I realized I didn't want to put more wear and tear on my the shoes that must last a lifetime.

The shoes are SHOCKINGLY bright.  Instead of thinking about it too long and chickening out, I garnered up enough confidence to walk out the front door.  My boys gave me rave reviews as we loaded into the car.  I thought to myself, "Maybe, with time, I will come to love them too."  And dismissed my screaming inhibitions. 

Cooper insisted on being included in the
picture to document the shocking color.
He was seriously proud that
 he added so much to my morning.

When we walked onto the field, a player's mother, Caryn, said hello and "I like your shoes.  They are bright and you can't help but smile..."  I laughed and then shared with her yesterday's post.  She immediately launched into a story about a random compliment she received from a complete stranger last year that really resonated with her.  Kind words do impact and connect.  

Caryn went on to share that earlier in the day, she and a friend were about to start a long run along Lake Washington.  In the parking lot of their starting point, a woman asked them if parking was free.  The woman was also going to run along the lake, but had never started from that spot.  After figuring out the parking situation, Caryn invited the stranger to join them on their run.  Because she was much younger and very fit, Caryn and her friend assumed she ran much faster than their pace and mentioned she could start with them but not feel obligated to stay with them.  The woman accepted their offer and they set off. 

Caryn excitedly shared that they ran the entire 10 miles together.  They learned the woman was from Mexico City and had moved to Seattle for her husband's job at Microsoft.  Giddily, Caryn shared, conversation did not ceased the entire run.  Time passed so quickly that it was the easiest run she may have ever done.  The unexpected connection surprised and shifted a mundane, often painful task of a long run to a spirit lifting few hours.  They exchanged contact information and Caryn cannot wait to run with her again.  

When I read back through Caryn's story, I think to myself, "People may say, 'O.K., so what??  Who cares? What's the point of retelling someone else's random connection?   None of this is earth shattering! Who cares???!!!'"  But I am going to ignore that screaming voice in my head and avoid the delete button. For me the first 30 seconds of my conversation with Caryn was significant.  She made my day with an unexpected compliment about something I was feeling unsure about. The timing was serendipitous following my last post.  I left the Frisbee match that day so grateful to have heard her giddily recount her morning running connection and the continuing lively, informative conversation we had throughout the match.  Often I sit on the sidelines, talk to a few parents about school & parenting woes, followed by silence as our attention is on the game.  I appreciate the quiet times for sure, but it was so fun to have an unexpected, lively conversation on topics that had a wider breadth (from shopping to colon cancer).

I thank Cooper for pushing me out of my shoe style comfort zone.  My fear of looking ridiculous has been replaced by looking forward to other connections that may happen because of them.   And I thank Caryn, a mom I see at sporting events, for a compliment that meant more than she could have imagined and for sharing her stories with me.  We both left inspired by Leo Buscaglia's words (and I decided to added them to the banner head of this blog).

Strangers, acquaintances and our family have the ability to positively affect our emotions and carry us through the another day.

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Never Underestimate

Day two as an HC Conservationist has me creating vital piece of any organization/cause/business in the 21st Century...building a Facebook page.  Creating an online presence is always a bit intimidating.  Will anyone visit my site or FB page?  Will they really want to read my rambling thoughts?  What will grab their attention?  What will inspire them to make a new connection today or look at an individual with a different perspective?  And how can I make it look polished instead of shoddy?  Then I remember to just ignore the voices in my head and do what moves me.  It is simple.  Start with the quote that has been hanging from my computer screen for the last few years...

In today's world where we are pulled in all different directions, bombarded with demands on our time and requested for donations to countless causes it can be easy to shut down and avoid giving altogether.  But every time I am on the receiving end of what is listed in the quote my spirit is always lifted.  And the same is true when I have been the one to give.  The truth of this quote is undeniable.

There are a zillions of examples I could ramble off, but I will share a small one that still makes me smile every time I think of it.  Last spring, after frantically getting dressed, telling myself how much I hated every piece of clothing in my closet because I had worn everything way too much, I ran out my door wearing a favorite 5 yr old skirt a friend had gave me for my birthday with a top from the previous summer.  I had never worn the two together, but they both had orange in them so I was proud of trying to pull something new out of my tired closet.  Midway through my morning I made a quick, unplanned stop for a coffee.  As I was heading out the door w/ cup in hand, I heard a man from behind me say, "You look beautiful in that outfit."  At first I didn't think he was talking to me.  Then I thought it may be a little weird coming from a stranger, much less a man.  Then I thought, just turn around and say, "Thank you."  And so I did turned around and found was greeted by a warm smile.  After expressing my thanks, I shared w/ him my morning closet dilemma and how his compliment was just what I needed and his out of the blue compliment had made my day.  I walked back to my car feeling much happier about the day than when I had walked into the coffee shop.

It was a very simple exchange.  He was not motivated to share his compliment to receive something more in return and the outcome was not tangible.  But he really did make my day in that 30 second exchange.  And that morning has stayed with me for over a year.  I feel like amazing connections can happen every day.  They can last 20 seconds or 20 years.  You just never know.  What I know is how great it is to receive someone's small acts of caring or thoughtfulness so why shouldn't I give what I do the same for others?

Many times people tell me, "I don't need any more friends, so why would I talk to someone I don't know?"  "I don't have time in the day to stand and talk to someone for a few minutes."  "There are so many bad people in the world, you really have to be careful who you talk to..."
It is my belief that 99.5+% people in the world are good people.  And like Leo Buscaglia said...

You never know when magic can happen through a connection or the impact you can have on a person.  The man who shared his nice thought with me outside of a coffee shop probably moved on with the rest of his day and forgot about me, but I will never forget about him!!  This example may seem trivial and I have had countless random connections that did result in more tangible outcomes for my work, my health, my knowledge base and even long term friendships, but trivial or not, each connection has impact and they make my life's journey so much better!

Today, I completed my first job task...the Facebook page is now live.  I would be grateful if you can check it out, perhaps give it a thumbs up and start spreading the news.  I am never going to underestimate the power of small gestures..I know great things can happen and I hope you will be a part of it with me!

I would like to send a big thank you to Kyle Shepard of Teak Creative for the work he has done for me with The WMB which I am extending to Human Connectivity Conservation.

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Self Promotion

I'm sure there are many out there wondering what the heck I am doing now...(I can hear your wheels turning--"I thought she was a photographer...???"--I am and still taking new clients, because momma's got to bring home some bacon to make up for my subpar cooking & cleaning skills. "I thought she was working on a project about people from all over the world...??"--The World in My Backyard is still a major work in progress that am passionate about and continues to be a part of my everyday life.  I never anticipated it providing me with the most incredible experiences.  The project impacts me almost every day and  I am hoping this blog provides me an avenue to share how individuals I met/meet through the project profoundly impact me.  When I started the project in 2012, I believed it was going to be very easy and straight-forward.  Meet people and write about them.  I quickly became overwhelmed by how much the people were enriching my life, as well as my family's lives.  My idea for a book soon shifted to creating ways for people to open up to strangers and experience the magic that happens.  Due to work/family responsibilities and my inhibitions, the project has been dormant for the past year.  But I can feel my feet getting back underneath me, the wind in my sails is starting to kick back up and I am excited about getting back to work on The WMB.
The first step is my "self promotion".  I have been self-employed for 15 years.  I have never wanted a title or fancy letters (i.e. MD, PhD, JD...) following my name.  I was always content with Tara Clark, photographer. This has changed.  As the owner/operator (a designation given to while filing my taxes each year), I made the executive decision to create an entirely new position that I don't think has ever been held in the world..."Human Connectivity Conservationist".
I have been considering the HC Conservationist position for almost a year.  I shared the job title with my husband and kids last summer.  The questioning looks and eye rolling made me think twice and I shelved the title.  But I am now mustering the courage to own my dream job.
First, I will share how I developed the title I think is perfect for me to fill.  Last June, I was invited by a special Seattle friend to join her at National Geographic's 125th anniversary celebration in Washington, DC.  Once I scraped myself off the floor from amazement, I jumped at the invitation.  It was a three day event.  Each day had panel discussions with 2014 NG Emerging Explorers culminating in an evening gala.  I could not wait!! We left Seattle at the crack of dawn, arriving in D.C. just in time for the first panel discussion.  For three days, I listened to inspired explorers from all different fields of work (from conservation biologist to roboticists to artists).  Each emerging explorer made me want to learn more about their area of study--and there were many areas that I really never held my attention.  They moved me.  On the plane home, I thought a lot about the emerging explorers.  I was not envious of the work they had done or the adventures they had experienced, I was envious that they were living their passion and it was inspiring others to follow their work and be moved to help the environment and the world.  I asked myself the question, "If you were a conservationist, what is it you would want to conserve?"  Immediately I thought about how passionate I am about human connection.  I thought, "I am a human connectivity conservationist!"  I felt like there should be a bell ringing ding, ding, ding...that is it!  And I wrote it in my infrequently used journal while still on the plane:

And it has remained shut inside the book since I returned and mentioned the idea to my family.  Their eye rolling and questioning looks affirmed that I was crazy and had no idea what I was thinking.  "Tuck away the dumb idea, stop dreaming and get back to what you know and do well--photography, 'cause you will look like a fool if you start talking about conserving human connectivity!!"  My ego was shouting, "You do not want to look or sound like a crazy person!  And you definitely don't want to look like a complete failure trying to start something you cannot succinctly explain!  Stop now!" 

The last year has slipped by with me trying to figure out how to get back to The WMB and a way to honor the individuals' life stories while conveying all that I have learned and the lasting impact they were having on my life.  "Why is it so important for me to share my WMB experiences and dream of inspiring others to be open to new connections?" I was constantly asking myself.  I tried to convince myself it would be okay if I had gained so much for the project already and that is enough in and of itself.  But deep down in me, I knew that wasn't true.  And then last week I saw the "Look Up" video that has gone viral:

                                                   

This year a friend started calling me "The Stranger Whisperer" and more frequently I am hearing, "You are not normal".  I have decided to take these as compliments and start sharing how my unplanned human connections touch me, teach me, change me, inspire me, activate me...and perhaps starting my dream job as a Human Connectivity Conservationist I will inspire someone to "look up" and take a baby step outside their comfort zone.  I have discovered thoughtful, amazing, inspiring individuals walk in our midst every day and there is always so much more to a person than what I assume from the outside.  I can learn something new from them if I am open to letting my guard down and connecting.  

Jumping off a cliff and hoping to soar but my head is filled with thoughts that may cut my rip cord and send me tumbling.  I guess new job jitters are normal.  Hopefully the "What the heck are you doing??  You don't even know what you're doing!!  What if you fail??" thoughts will subside as I settle into the job I been dreaming about!

Stay tuned and let me know what you think by leaving a comment or emailing me.  Every new job comes w/ constructive criticism and I know I will need quite a bit of it!

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