Father's Day Inspiration

Yesterday was Father's Day.  I celebrated with a phone call to my dad in Oregon and with my husband and our boys.  I enjoyed seeing Facebook posts/pics filled with gratitude and love for the great men in my friends' lives.  But I was most impacted by Father's Day and Facebook this morning when one friend's post shared a link to this blog post, "10 Things You Need to Know About Special Needs Dads".  Whether you have kids of your own or not, I hope you take a few minutes to read this man's poignant words.

Why I feel moved to share this man's words here is because I have a niece with special needs.  I have friends with special needs children.  Even with these close connections, I will never truly know the day-to-day lives they are living.  Their challenges and triumphs are as unique as the children they are raising.  Because the disability or diagnosis is something we do not have in common, there can be a tendency to talk about something we can both relate to--spouses, weather, sports, tv show, vacation, politics, etc. Sometimes, my own insecurities of not knowing how they are doing, saying the wrong thing or being unable to provide a solution to their challenges keeps me from saying anything.  This behavior keeps us from better understanding each other, learning from each other and supporting each other...truly being connected.

For years, I have had etched in my memory a brief moment in time.  I was in Hawaii, visiting my sister and her family. She and I were walking from her house to a neighborhood restaurant.  I was pushing my 2 year old son in a baby jogger.  She was walking ahead of me, pushing her 3 year old daughter in a wheelchair.  As we were walking past an outdoor restaurant, filled with diners, I caught sight of a woman look at my niece, her eyes darted to my sister and then even quicker she looked at her friend with a "oh that poor mother/little girl" look.  It broke my heart.  I was sad for my niece.  I was sad for my sister.  I was sad for myself having seen looks my sister would experience.  But I was also sad/angry for the woman because, in a split second, she made an assumption about the life of my niece and sister.

My sister is an amazing woman.  She was amazing before she had kids. She was amazing before her daughter's accident.  And she is even more amazing.  Not because of my niece's accident, but because of the compilation of her life experiences.  Forty four years of life make her uniquely amazing.

The quick assessment I saw that older woman make, I am sure happens often to my sister.  I have never shared with my sister what I saw and I have never asked her if she feels onlookers quick assessments.  Nine years have past and I have never asked out of fear of making her feel bad or sad.    I became a domino in the line that started with the woman's look.  I am making my own assumption of my sister's feelings instead of talking with my sister about it and her own experiences with strangers.
 Too often, thoughtful words, like this brave father's, are shared within a community that can commiserate with the experiences.  Too often poignant words are left "preaching to the choir".  His blog post came to me via a friend who is the father of a special needs child.  Movement and understanding will only happen when words like this father's are read by "mainstream" families and individuals.

What would happen if we put aside our assumptions or perceptions and shared openly or asked directly?  Special needs, different cultures, different lifestyles...if we lean in, connect, ask and share I know we will find that our unique challenges can be celebrated and supported instead of avoided or dismissed.  Today, I will lean in and have the long overdue conversation with my sister.  Perhaps she will give me a few of her favorite acknowledgements or conversation starters she has received from strangers that I should consider using in the future.  I will keep you posted.

To learn more about Abbie's journey in this life, visit my sister's blog she has kept for 10 years, "Pray for Abbie"

Last Post--"Hello Stranger"

Hello Stranger

***If you have limited time, skip reading my thoughts and go directly to this article, "Hello, Stranger".

In the last few years, people very close (i.e. husband & long time friends) to me have questioned my need for meeting new people, connecting with strangers, having coffee with someone I barely knew.  They assumed I must have some agenda that would be met or why would I be wasting my time?  I found myself becoming more and more frustrated with myself because I could not articulate a solid answer for them.  I began to feel guilty about my actions.  I began to question myself.  Why couldn't I just be satisfied with all the great people in my life?

Maya Angelou

The quick assumption that I was such an extrovert did not give me resolve.  For me, introvert vs. extrovert oversimplifies the need to connect with people (and sometimes provides an excuse for not connecting).  I have never viewed myself as an extrovert because I have introverted tendencies as well.  When people would say, "Tara, you can meet people because you are so extroverted.  It is easier for you, I could never do that."  I would try and tell them it was not easy for me.  I have not always been so open.  And with each person I open up to or approach, I have to fight my internal dialogue about what I think they may think of me or how stupid I may come off being.  Those feelings never go away.  But I have learned that most of the time I gain so much more than the potential embarrassment, judgement or dismissiveness I had imagined would happen.

For the past few year, all I could answer was that new people, new perspectives, new experiences fueled me.   For me (and those closest to me), that answer falls like a pile of poop on the floor...totally inconclusive.  And it made me feel like I did not value or care for the people I have in my life.

I considered ways to temper my passion for meeting new people:

• I have always been streetsmart not booksmart...maybe if I read more I would not need to meet as many people to fill me with knowledge.  
• Focus more time on my family.
• Do more GAMES Magazine puzzles from the stacks that have piles up untouched over the years.
• Rekindle my love of knitting.

But I was too far gone.  I had discovered meeting new people opened infinite doors to knowledge I would fall asleep trying to read about, new experiences/activities I could share my family and new hobbies I would have never discovered on my own at this stage of my life..."mid-life".  I am positive if tempered I myself, I would add the dreaded "crisis" to this stage of life.
Last night, I was forwarded this NY Times article, "Hello, Stranger".  It struck a major chord with me.  I love that people are studying connectivity and happiness.  Now, if we can all put some of their study exercises into practice without a reward of gift cards, I am sure the world would begin spinning a little smoother.  Happiness would grow and connectivity would increase.  Two of the most essential ingredients of life!  I felt like this article perfectly articulated what I struggled behavior I that fuels my soul.

In closing, I want to share a personal added significance to having this article brought to my attention.  It as forwarded to my by a beautiful, bright young woman, Catherine Roseman, who recently graduated from an east coast university.  Because my project has me meeting and befriending strangers, Catherine came into my life.  I met her mom while walking dogs in the park near my home.  Over the years, as we randomly crossed paths, she would share with me the highs and lows of her daughter heading to and through college. One day, she shared her thoughts that Catherine would be interested in the work I was trying to do.  Catherine had the fortitude to follow up on her mom's thoughts and knocked on my door at the beginning of her sophomore summer.  For the past two summers, she has worked with me and provide me with reassurance that my ideas are worth pursuing even when I clearly have no idea what direction I am going.  Yesterday, we sat and talked for a few hours about where we are at in life--the unnerving stage of finding employment or the next stepping stone in life for her and my desire to pursue my passion that has me feeling uneasy, as well as the mundane topics of raising and educating kids.  There is not an agenda either of us is trying to achieve through our connection except for sharing and learning from each other.  The conversation was stimulating and a reminder of how difficult every stage of life is, but also how fortunate we are to be living it and if we keep moving forward our current worries will resolve.  When Catherine left, I felt honored she would want to spend time with someone almost twice her age--I am not sure I would have found the courage to do that at her age.  She inspires me to keep moving forward instead of spinning in my insecurities.  And then she forwards me an article that helps me validate my own beliefs.  All of this received because I was open to talking with strangers.  Catherine Roseman, you are an angelic reminder to continue putting one step in front of the other and be open to the people and possibilities in my every day!

Last Post--"Perceptions and Reflections"

Perception and Reflection in Honor of Maya Angelou

Yesterday morning, I learned of the passing of Maya Angelou.  Then, instead of sitting down to do work I had sworn I would tackle, I did an online search for her quotes.  Quote after quote left me in awe of a woman’s work I was embarrassed to say I had never read.  So many quotes resonated with me.  All day, I was bothered with myself that I had not taken the time to read any of her work before.  It wasn’t like I hadn’t known she was a powerful writer (I am a lover of all things Oprah who was one of her biggest fans), I realized I let one event in college detour me from discovering Maya Angelou’s work before her death. 

All day, I sat in my office confounded because my personal realization of the impact of one hour during my college lit class was a great example of a topic that had been swimming in my head since my last post--my belief that perception is a gigantic barrier to human connection, discovery and personal growth.  Not surprisingly (if you have read any of my previous posts), I am struggling with how to concisely explain my thoughts and I fear creating an unintelligent ramble.  Perception is multi-layered and the barriers come not just from individuals’ perception of others, but also from our self-perception and how we attempt to control the perception others have of our self.  I will share some of my own experiences and hopefully some of it will make sense or strike a cord of understanding.  

First, I will start with the present—I just turned 43 and, in the last year, I have been told countless times, “Tara, you are not normal.”  I dismissed this at first, because I didn’t really understand what it meant.  I feel normal.  I am not trying to be different.  I’m having so much fun in life, if this isn’t normal, I am glad I’m not.  But it left me wondering what is normal and why am I “not normal”.  What I realized was the openness I had to meeting, befriending, learning and sharing new experiences with people in my community and globally was not normal.  I so deeply believe in the importance of cultivated human connectivity that I want to figure out a way to make being open to “strangers” be more normal.  I started to think about the way I am able to create unique bonds after just a minute or two of talking with someone I do not know.  I have determined it is how I approach most conversation.  I am open about my infallibilities and hardships which opens a door for others to share some of their own.  I will admit, sometimes there is a cringe factor from my husband and friends because there are topics that seem to be kept behind closed doors.  But for me, if I don’t share my difficulties with others, there would be no way to learn how to overcome them, look at them from a different perspective or receive support that I may unknowingly be in need of. 

In recent years, unique conversations are happening more frequently because I have let my guard down more and more.  The guard was my concern over and attempts to control the perception others have of me.  I have come to realize the perception I have of myself (formed from my life experiences and my insecurities) is never going to match the perception others will have of me.  I cannot control others perception, they will formulate their own perception of who I am based on their experience with me, where they are at emotionally when we cross paths, the background they come from and their own life experiences.  But it is difficult to disassociate with caring about what others think.  It feels like we are conditioned from a young age to fend off judgment, to “fit in”, to achieve.  All of which creates insecurities that we fight to hide to avoid more judgment and our “guards” get thicker and thicker.  It’s a wicked cycle.  And it is frustrating because we are a society that espouses the beauty of uniqueness but being unique means standing out, not being "normal".  It leaves you questioning if it is okay to be different.  It is so much easier to just blend in and avoid judgement.

I have never taken a poll, but I am almost certain that 99.9% of people have insecurities, habits and ways of doing things that they don’t share to avoid judgment or being misperceived so they can just “fit in”.  But the crazy thing is we are our own worst critic and when an insecurity is shared, it will usually be met with understanding, commiseration, empathy, support or encouragement.  And then the big, scary thing you so badly hated about yourself and were sometimes consumed by, melts away, the guard comes down a little and human connectivity becomes more real and meaningful.  If we openly shared our worries, insecurities, fallibilities we would discover that we are not alone, others have walked in our shoes before us, we can learn from shared experience, we can become more relatable and connected.

Since I feel like I may appear to be on a soap box, I will share things I do to avoid judgment or, conversely, foster a positive judgment. 

--the clothes I wear…depending on the events of the day, there are countless questions I ask when I get dressed.  “Am I too dressed up?  Am I under dressed?  Is this too tight?  Do I look frumpy?  Do I look fat?  Do these clothes look as old and tired as I feel like they are?”  In the end, who cares??  If someone is going to negatively judge me on my clothes than they are probably not someone I need in my life, right?  But I still think about it…

--I rarely share with people my love of television, more specifically reality television.  We are raised being told tv is bad and in the last 15 yrs reality tv is really bad…I wouldn’t want anyone to think I am a complete loser…”smart” people don’t waste their time watching tv, they read books. 

--I use make up concealer to cover up splotchy red marks I created from my unfortunate love/addiction of popping zits.  (Really I don’t think the concealer is hiding anything from anyone, but it at least makes me feel like it is.  This is a perfect example of how doing something to control others’ perception is a waste of time, so why should I even try.  I should just be real and get tips for resolving my “problem” instead of trying to hide it.) [I kind of can't believe I am not editing this out...so next time you see me and end up taking a closer look at my face because now you know one of my dirty little secrets, follow the inspection w/ any advice you may have...stomach is kind of doing backflips right now]

--I may downplay the fortunate life my husband and I have worked hard to achieve to avoid a judgment I assume someone would deduce.  For example, I rarely say my husband is an ER doctor to avoid the “doctor’s wife” stereotype.  The reality is, this is totally pathetic of me.  I am assuming people will pass judgment.  They probably won’t, but if they do, who cares.  I know our reality of how long and hard we worked to get to this stage in life and that is all that matters.  I should be proud, instead of hiding my truth to avoid judgment.  Another example is I avoid saying we have house cleaners.  The same reasoning is behind my omission. 

--Daily I struggle with what to share here or getting back to work with The World in My Backyard because neither has a road map or tangible outcome and I worry about failing.  "What would people think if it sucks?  What if I write incomprehensibly and people question what I am doing?"  So I procrastinate...easy way to avoid any judgment at all. 

--I think about what I should or should not share on Facebook (or even that I think Facebook is great).  How will people  perceive my posts?  Will people think I am over sharing?  I don't want anyone to think negatively of me.  This one I am getting over and I recently decided to to share when I feel moved to share and not think twice about what others will think (supposedly everyone who views my posts are my friends--so I really shouldn't worry at all).

The list could go on and on, but the truth is my recent Facebook realization should be carried over into my entire life.  Because the reality is we think about ourselves more than anyone else does.  Everyone is busy thinking about themselves, their families, their concerns, their hardships, their insecurities, their roller coaster of life to really care so much about mine.  And if I lived life wide open without edit, others could support me, share with me, commiserate with me and I could learn that my worries are normal and surmountable.

Finally, this brings me back to yesterday’s discovery of Maya Angelou’s work and the hour in my life 20+ years ago when a self perception was cemented and was a detriment to my own personal growth.  Although school had come easy for me, I never really enjoyed reading or writing and did not think I was smart enough to really get it.  I always did the bare minimum required to pass my advance lit classes in high school.  I never admitted my uneasiness of the subject.  I remember very few classes of my college years, but one is sear into my mind.  During my freshman year of college, after finishing a required reading of “Their Eyes Were Watching God”, by Zora Neale Hurston, I entered the classroom ready to review and discuss the American classic.  The professor asked people to share their thoughts on what the book was about.  Hands shot up, the professor frantically worked to keep up with the growing list of themes, morals and ideas students were rattling off.  As the list grew, I shrank in my seat.  It was as if I had read a completely different book.  I was a very literal reader and had completely missed the allegory (I am not ever sure that is the right word—however it was written, I just did not get it).  I felt completely stupid.  Instead of admitting that I was lost and asking for help, I slipped out of the classroom and immediately went to the registrar to drop the class.  That was that.  I wanted to control others perception of my intelligence.  I was sure I would be met with shocking abhorrence in my literary stupidity so I bailed instead of leaned in.  I never told a soul.  There were many things I was "good enough" at that I could mask my uneasiness with reading and writing...I would skate on through.  That day cemented in my mind that I was not smart enough to be an “intellectual” reader.  I was confident I would never understand anything written by African American women because I did not get one literary work by one African American woman.  I also stayed far away from American classics.  If I couldn't understand on, I was sure I would not be smart enough to understand any.  As I type, it seems so ridiculous to me that I would make such a sweeping conclusion from one reading assignment.  Yesterday, I realized because I had worked to control other’s perception of myself, I furthered my negative self perception as well as missed out an opportunity to learn and be inspired. 

I am thankful that, 20 years later, I have realized how much can be learned from sharing my infallibilities.  There are things I am good at and many more that I cannot do, but admitting what I cannot do opens the door for people who are great in those areas to share their unique expertise and passions with me, ultimately creating unimaginable and invaluable connection.

Our world lost an amazing individual yesterday.  I was alway ashamed that I never read her work, I truly believed I would not understand it.  I am grateful my eyes have been opened to what I missed and it brought to light a deep-seeded insecurity that I can now put to rest.  In honor of Maya Angelou, I close with her words that moved me on the day of her passing and will be a source of inspiration for me from this day forward.  I will share a few more quotes without my commentary in the coming days, when I will be sitting down to finally get back to work on The World in My Backyard.  If you made it to the end of this, I thank you!!  And a final note that has me feeling a bit better about what I wrote, regardless of if it makes sense to anyone...I inserted all the images after I finished writing.  The writing had nothing to do w/ the quotes and then when I went to insert some quotes, these seemed to fit perfectly.  Leaves me with a sense of peace that I definitely need when I still feel so much discomfort with my sharing.

Last Post--"Technology is Not to Blame"                          Next Post--"Hello Stranger"

Technology is Not to Blame

The idea that modern culture is more connected through social media than ever, but as individuals, we are more lonely seems to becoming more and more apparent every day.  Popular consensus is to blame the internet, mobile phones filled with social apps, streaming media, etc.  I do not think human connectivity is being undermined by devices and technology at all.  I think devices are being used as a scapegoat or an easy target for something much deeper in human behavior.  The act of human connection will not improve by turning off or putting down your personal technology.  The understanding of human tendencies and an individual's fears will help begin moving from blame to interacting with the world around you.
Forming new, honest connections is not easy.  It takes energy, time, courage (to lean in, instead of opt out) and vulnerability.  My belief is, as we age, these attributes grow inversely (not sure if that is the right term...we have less of all of them).  Because we have less, it is easier to let our heads go down and blame it on a device.  Let me see if I can paint a picture of what I am thinking...
Forming new connections happens spontaneously and frequently with youth.  Rarely, can a child avoid it. From toddler groups to swimming lessons, new schools, new classes, new teams, new bands, etc...parents are always encouraging their children to play meet new kids and challenge their own abilities to learn something new.  Through shared and challenging experiences, relationships form and strengthen.  Why do so many people have best friends they met in college?  It is a time in life where we are thrust into countless challenges in "foreign" environments with people from a wide ranging backgrounds.  Lifelong friendships may happen post-college because individuals enter into another foreign world together, the "1st real job experience".  I am not a psychologist or a sociologist who has run studies or surveys, this is just my instinctual theory.  I think for the majority of our society new and meaningful individual relations become more difficult to form until there is a life changing event.  Giving birth--women bond with other pregnant and new moms going through the same thing; medical diagnosis open doors to strong bonds with people who are going through or have been through a similar diagnosis/treatment; loss of life--you bond with people who have had a similar experience.  Meaningful and unexpected connections often result.  The new bonds provide a shared understanding, strength and solace to move through unimaginable challenges.  But it is not surprising.  We are almost forced to spend time being with strangers, we do not have the energy to cover our vulnerabilities and insecurities.  Courage to face the next day, challenge or unknown comes forward.  We don't have a choice to turn away.  We share parts of our life story that we often keep hidden.  There is not enough time to think, not enough energy to filter and surprising, unanticipated discoveries are made...you have more in common with someone from a completely different background.  Differences fall away and similarities rise and bond.
Then we fall back into the mundane, "normal", difficult life and our heads drop.  And when we get down (which is completely impossible to avoid because, no matter who you are or how abundant you life is, life can seem impossible),  it is so difficult to pick your head back up.  It is much easier to open an app, stream a show, check the web...check out, than to look up.  But it is possible to create incredible, life changing bonds all the time if we start letting go and lifting our heads.  As I go forward, I will share why I think it is the easiest and most exciting thing we can do in life.  We must start modeling new behavior for the digital native generations!  They do what they see being done.  We can live meaningful, connected lives with technology, not in spite of technology.

"Digital Native" imitating what he sees
2008

Digital Native and brother 2012

Food for thought...just my little theory...I would love to hear yours or your thoughts on mine.

Last Post--"Expectations"                  Newer Post--"Perceptions & Reflections"

Expectations

I realized last night that I should elaborate on my expectations with what I have started.  Conservationists tend to be extremists in the lifestyle choices they make centering on the resource they are passionate about conserving (i.e. Green Peace "Pirates").  This is why I feel comfortable with my self designated title.  Connecting with people (friends or complete strangers) in my neighborhood, in my city and around the world fuels my soul.  
My motivation to share my thoughts, experiences and connections is not to fill the world with an endless supply of mini mes.  That would for sure be horrible...my boys can vouch for that...probably one of me is all the world needs.  My hope is my sharing inspires the smallest shift in behavior.
As I wrote in my first post, I am coming to realize I am not normal.  I do not carry many fears.  I will try pretty much anything within reason.  But I cannot expect that of others...and I don't.  I realize most people are not like me.  Most people condemn hitch hiking.  I love it (albeit I don't do it regularly) because it opens doors to random, fascinating connections/conversations.  I don't condone hitchhiking if it makes you uncomfortable.  Most people avoid traveling to third world places publicized as highly dangerous.  I LOVE it because in the farthest reaches of the world, I am reminded that ever being in this world, although they may look different than me, speak a different language than I, have more or less education or money than myself, the people living in those "dangerous" places are more similar to me than different.  I always return home amazed by the spirit, openness and kindness I received from people living in places that are to be feared.
More often than not, when I make new connections, whether in the "safety" of my neighborhood or a far-flung "dangerous" land, I discover I have more in common with the person I am meeting than I ever could have imagined but their life experiences are different than mine.  Because of those differences (age, race, culture, gender, socio economic class, religion, hardships, successes, language, etc), there is always something to be learned, shared or tried.  I am a wholehearted believer of this quote (author unknown):

"As I go, I am wearing you--the people we meet change us forever."

My life is infinitely better because of the people that have come into pathway.  Some stay for 20 seconds, some for 2 hours and others stay for 20 years.  I am grateful for them all and my life continues to evolve because of them.  Through my work I hope to move a needle towards change in human connectivity.  Hopefully a following will come along and experience what I love and nudge the needle a bit further.  Nothing can happen without a dream and small steps.  I will see where the windy path will lead and cannot wait for all those who will cross it for a moment, a minute or a milenia!!

I believe images always make a post a little more interesting, so I want to close with sharing a few pictures from Torit, S. Sudan.  Although from a completely different life than ours in America, their human spirit, emotions, intellect and dreams are often the same.

Last Post--"Reaffirming Buscaglia"                    Newer Post--"Technology is Not to Blame"

Reaffirming Buscaglia

Ironically, after my post yesterday, I had a similar compliment/experience.  Timing always stops me in my tracks, often allaying my fears and reaffirming things happen for a reason.  This past week, I have been sitting with a tiny sense of heebie jeebies.  I really do not know what I am doing with my newly created position in conservation.  I am trying to let go of my inhibitions, ignore the constant questioning voices in my head and just share from my heart and experience.  It feels silly.  It feels self-serving.  It feels ridiculous to be so passionate about something without a goal in mind.  I worry about what people will think. I guess they are not so tiny.  LOTS of heebie jeebies bouncing like popcorn in my head and heart.  But then I get an email, a text, a Facebook message, a call, a shared positive thought when I see someone and the voices are quelled a bit.  My courage is bolstered a bit.  My internal cheerleader starts waving the pom poms, yelling encouragement to gain a few more yards instead of waiting for the push back.  And then an unexpected connection happens that has my heart and head doing Obafemi backflips.  It happened Saturday morning, less than a day after my last post.

I ran to my closet to grab shoes before heading out the door for my son's Ultimate Frisbee game.  I reached for a pair of shoes he gave me last year for a combined birthday/Mother's Day gift.  He saved money from a lucrative lemonade stand, then custom designed a pair of Nikes for me. We both light up when I wear them, but because they are the best gift I have ever received...they must last the next 50 yrs, so I rarely wear them(he did all the color design & hit then hit it out of the park by adding "BEST" & "MOM:)" on the tongues).  The colors are far outside my comfort zone but wearing them always makes me smile.  A few months ago, when stocking up on running shoes that were on sale, I saw there were two options--safe white w/ blue accent & a hot pink pair.  Because I had experienced of wearing Cooper's bright shoes, I decided to step outside my comfort zone and order one pair of hot pink.  My boys loved them when they arrived on our porch.  I, on the other hand, was shocked, thinking there was no way they would ever come out of the closet because they were so bright.  That was until this morning, when I realized I didn't want to put more wear and tear on my the shoes that must last a lifetime.

The shoes are SHOCKINGLY bright.  Instead of thinking about it too long and chickening out, I garnered up enough confidence to walk out the front door.  My boys gave me rave reviews as we loaded into the car.  I thought to myself, "Maybe, with time, I will come to love them too."  And dismissed my screaming inhibitions. 

Cooper insisted on being included in the
picture to document the shocking color.
He was seriously proud that
 he added so much to my morning.

When we walked onto the field, a player's mother, Caryn, said hello and "I like your shoes.  They are bright and you can't help but smile..."  I laughed and then shared with her yesterday's post.  She immediately launched into a story about a random compliment she received from a complete stranger last year that really resonated with her.  Kind words do impact and connect.  

Caryn went on to share that earlier in the day, she and a friend were about to start a long run along Lake Washington.  In the parking lot of their starting point, a woman asked them if parking was free.  The woman was also going to run along the lake, but had never started from that spot.  After figuring out the parking situation, Caryn invited the stranger to join them on their run.  Because she was much younger and very fit, Caryn and her friend assumed she ran much faster than their pace and mentioned she could start with them but not feel obligated to stay with them.  The woman accepted their offer and they set off. 

Caryn excitedly shared that they ran the entire 10 miles together.  They learned the woman was from Mexico City and had moved to Seattle for her husband's job at Microsoft.  Giddily, Caryn shared, conversation did not ceased the entire run.  Time passed so quickly that it was the easiest run she may have ever done.  The unexpected connection surprised and shifted a mundane, often painful task of a long run to a spirit lifting few hours.  They exchanged contact information and Caryn cannot wait to run with her again.  

When I read back through Caryn's story, I think to myself, "People may say, 'O.K., so what??  Who cares? What's the point of retelling someone else's random connection?   None of this is earth shattering! Who cares???!!!'"  But I am going to ignore that screaming voice in my head and avoid the delete button. For me the first 30 seconds of my conversation with Caryn was significant.  She made my day with an unexpected compliment about something I was feeling unsure about. The timing was serendipitous following my last post.  I left the Frisbee match that day so grateful to have heard her giddily recount her morning running connection and the continuing lively, informative conversation we had throughout the match.  Often I sit on the sidelines, talk to a few parents about school & parenting woes, followed by silence as our attention is on the game.  I appreciate the quiet times for sure, but it was so fun to have an unexpected, lively conversation on topics that had a wider breadth (from shopping to colon cancer).

I thank Cooper for pushing me out of my shoe style comfort zone.  My fear of looking ridiculous has been replaced by looking forward to other connections that may happen because of them.   And I thank Caryn, a mom I see at sporting events, for a compliment that meant more than she could have imagined and for sharing her stories with me.  We both left inspired by Leo Buscaglia's words (and I decided to added them to the banner head of this blog).

Strangers, acquaintances and our family have the ability to positively affect our emotions and carry us through the another day.

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Never Underestimate

Day two as an HC Conservationist has me creating vital piece of any organization/cause/business in the 21st Century...building a Facebook page.  Creating an online presence is always a bit intimidating.  Will anyone visit my site or FB page?  Will they really want to read my rambling thoughts?  What will grab their attention?  What will inspire them to make a new connection today or look at an individual with a different perspective?  And how can I make it look polished instead of shoddy?  Then I remember to just ignore the voices in my head and do what moves me.  It is simple.  Start with the quote that has been hanging from my computer screen for the last few years...

In today's world where we are pulled in all different directions, bombarded with demands on our time and requested for donations to countless causes it can be easy to shut down and avoid giving altogether.  But every time I am on the receiving end of what is listed in the quote my spirit is always lifted.  And the same is true when I have been the one to give.  The truth of this quote is undeniable.

There are a zillions of examples I could ramble off, but I will share a small one that still makes me smile every time I think of it.  Last spring, after frantically getting dressed, telling myself how much I hated every piece of clothing in my closet because I had worn everything way too much, I ran out my door wearing a favorite 5 yr old skirt a friend had gave me for my birthday with a top from the previous summer.  I had never worn the two together, but they both had orange in them so I was proud of trying to pull something new out of my tired closet.  Midway through my morning I made a quick, unplanned stop for a coffee.  As I was heading out the door w/ cup in hand, I heard a man from behind me say, "You look beautiful in that outfit."  At first I didn't think he was talking to me.  Then I thought it may be a little weird coming from a stranger, much less a man.  Then I thought, just turn around and say, "Thank you."  And so I did turned around and found was greeted by a warm smile.  After expressing my thanks, I shared w/ him my morning closet dilemma and how his compliment was just what I needed and his out of the blue compliment had made my day.  I walked back to my car feeling much happier about the day than when I had walked into the coffee shop.

It was a very simple exchange.  He was not motivated to share his compliment to receive something more in return and the outcome was not tangible.  But he really did make my day in that 30 second exchange.  And that morning has stayed with me for over a year.  I feel like amazing connections can happen every day.  They can last 20 seconds or 20 years.  You just never know.  What I know is how great it is to receive someone's small acts of caring or thoughtfulness so why shouldn't I give what I do the same for others?

Many times people tell me, "I don't need any more friends, so why would I talk to someone I don't know?"  "I don't have time in the day to stand and talk to someone for a few minutes."  "There are so many bad people in the world, you really have to be careful who you talk to..."
It is my belief that 99.5+% people in the world are good people.  And like Leo Buscaglia said...

You never know when magic can happen through a connection or the impact you can have on a person.  The man who shared his nice thought with me outside of a coffee shop probably moved on with the rest of his day and forgot about me, but I will never forget about him!!  This example may seem trivial and I have had countless random connections that did result in more tangible outcomes for my work, my health, my knowledge base and even long term friendships, but trivial or not, each connection has impact and they make my life's journey so much better!

Today, I completed my first job task...the Facebook page is now live.  I would be grateful if you can check it out, perhaps give it a thumbs up and start spreading the news.  I am never going to underestimate the power of small gestures..I know great things can happen and I hope you will be a part of it with me!

I would like to send a big thank you to Kyle Shepard of Teak Creative for the work he has done for me with The WMB which I am extending to Human Connectivity Conservation.

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